"How Do You Listen To God?"

(c) Rene Tahum

"..Why would so many things conspire to save one for a girl's life?  What if she is no more special than anyone of us? What if we are all unique? And the universe loves us all equally. So much all that it bends on backwards across the centuries on each and everyone of us? And sometimes, we are just lucky enough to see it.."

I entered the beige-color place. Smaller. Everyone there knew who I am. But none of them my memory can grasp. I walked passed in the right corner. It seems like there's a ceremony. A confession, maybe. I stopped when I neared what I believed is the altar. I turned around to find the walls. But it didn't exist. I gazed back to the altar. Water springs from its center, now surrounding the doomed-shaped place. I know where I was. For in my random dreams, I always visit a church. I moved out of the place with mystery, as always. Why I am there, why it has to be me when it can be others. The why's are unending.

Now I can see the whole down view. I realized I am on top of the hill. Walking. But to where, I do not know. The sun is high, illuminating the stone henge surrounding where I am standing. I met a nun. In her old age. Wearing that black dress in which I can only see is the face. And the eyes that seemed to have known me. Back in time "You used to hold that scapular with enthusiasm", the nun said. I touched the thin cord around my neck, felt the little square I always carry with me. Wherever I am.

"How Do You Listen To God?", I asked her with a plea. But she only looked at me the way she did the first time we met. It seemed that I was asked with my own question. I turned around. The blue-green water is suspended in the middle of tall rocks. Calm. Still. I must be on top of the world to see all these things. The nun is nowhere to be found. I crossed the bridge. And I opened my eyes. 

One day, I will come to understand the purpose for this another waking day...

Among the bustles and hustles of life, how do you listen to God? 

With the seemingly nuisance of work, of piling bills, of  annoying traffic, how do you listen to God? 

Amidst the inevitable criticisms, judgments, disappointments, stones thrown at you no matter how good you tried to be, how do you listen to God?

When you cannot fit to the standards built by the world,  how do you listen to God?  

When trust is forge, when loyalty turns to betrayal, when love tears you down, when you are smashed into pieces, how do you listen to God?

I sat on the wooden box for sometime. Winter hasn't totally bid goodbye for the air is still giving me a chill. There are quite few stars tonight. Probably 5. Then I recounted again, for there are smaller ones that were not so bright. They are stars anyway. I felt the pain in my neck staring at them. Nothing to be called a starless sky. For they are always there. And for the longest time, I believed I was watching them. But no, they were watching me all along.

"Here I am, Lord. Speak to me. And let me hear You".

..No life is more important than  another. And nothing  has been without purpose. Nothing. What if we are all part of a great pattern that we may someday  understand? And one day when we have done what we are capable of doing, we get to  rise up and reunite with those we have loved the most. Forever embrace. What if we have to become..Stars."-Mark Helprin