..looking through our neighbor's garden..

(c) Robz Tan

When I went home for vacation last year, the last remaining days before going back here are indescribable torture. I wished days will lengthen as my flight schedule is nearing. One afternoon, I sat on our sala and watched my mother's garden. She's a hands-on wannabe when it comes to her pots of flowers. Then I was able to glanced our neighbor's garden, too. I started comparing. Their land area over ours when we have the same corner lot. I noticed that their grass are well-trimmed, there are various types of plants not found in ours, and the comparing went on for a period of time.

I woke up the following morning with mom not beside me. She rose up early, as she always did. I can hear the splashing of water in the window near our room. I curiously went out of the room to watch her. She's watering her plants. I felt a sudden guilt when I realized the time and effort she is investing everyday to grow the flowers in our garden while I was so busy comparing it to our neighbor's. I saw her hands caressing the leaves while she aptly removing the weeds. Indeed, beautiful people have ugly hands.

It becomes my habit to ride the bus very early in the morning. It's my most peaceful part of the day. I confess that the past days drained me from remembering God's goodness. The times when I prayed I'll be able to hit a vein so I'll avoid stitching my patient's skin and He would listen. The arid days when I would trivially pray for a lesser admissions so we can rest for a while from the contagious toxicities, and He would listen. Or when my ATM card was deactivated for my failure to update the required document and a colleague enthusiastically handed me the exact amount I needed. Or going home late and hungry and my flatmates cooked a good meal, exactly the one I was thinking when I said, "sana may pagkain sa bahay". In those times, I noticed that I can grasped my hands together tight and say "thank you, God".

It's easier to be grateful when things are easy, when we get what we want, when being lucky is entwined by being blessed. When things become not so smooth-sailing, our hands are interlocked snuggly. We start to overlooked the beauty in our "garden", the bounty of God's abundance in our lives. We can only see the rocks, the weeds, the not-so-greener leaves and all the Why-I-don't-have-this mentality. Amnesia creeped in in an envious heart. We forgot how God waters us everyday, caressing us so that we will grow. So that one day, He can put us in a pot and say, "This is what I'm working on 24/7. Isn't she beautiful?"

Forgive my ungratefulness.

"Can a mother ever forget her child?

Even if she will forget....

I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU"-Isaiah 49: 15