..what winter can do..

Pajama fits so much for someone who is lazy to get up in bed. I've been staring at the empty ceiling while listening to my stomach's rumblings. It's very cold outside I'd rather hide under the blanket and bundle up with my pillows which occupy mostly the space of my once again sagging bed. It's only 5 o' clock in the morning. But I feel like I've slept forever. I remained still and cherished the moments I need not to wait for the shower to heat a bit, or go out to log out with a towel on my head, which is typically normal for someone with a dynamic schedule. Staring on an empty ceiling is like watching the curtains unfolding right in front of you, a movie about to start, and you are the actress in the big screen. However, some scenes are definitely not suitable to be shown. But movies, like life, are not all victories and happy endings. You need to get by with the pauses, with the gaps, with the lessons thrown at you in a not-so-conventional manners.

 I learned how to be drunk back in college. You know, those after exams blast. Dropping from one bar to another. Aside from Chemistry and all those Maslow's Hierarchy of needs,  a pitcher of Tequilla Sunrise, I learned, can increase the motility of my gastrointestinal tract, and that I have a functioning gag reflex whenever I would throw up. Tipsy people spill the beans, and I'm not tipsy yet as of this writing. And so, when you are still young, and the world is so ideal to enjoy life, you go with the tides. I can even remember going home one morning, my hair smelling smoke from the bunch of orally-fixated bar hoppers. The gate was opened by my Auntie, without any word. I woke up with meals in the table, still nauseated from binge drinking the other night. Those late night sneaking out just to kiss someone goodbye. Who can say that an inspirational blogger like me would have done those. And lying in my bed idly, I just smile remembering the throwbacks. Those are lessons I did not learn from books, from comfort zones, from the safe side of life. I am a storyteller today because I made stories in the past. Yes, some of them are not so inspiring to tell, but I'm not a people-pleaser. I value "black and white" type. I value honesty. 

This is not much of a story. Not much of those that you usually read. I just feel the need that somehow, you owe to know your blogger. Just as you have trusted me with your time. To the younger ones who might be reading this, don't be afraid to make mistakes, to come up with the wrong decisions. Don't be afraid to seek out yourself. Allow pain to knock at your door, welcome disappointments and frustrations, grow from nothing to something, from a nobody to somebody. Life awaits outside the safe harbor. I tell you, maturity comes from there.

One day, I'll sit with my children. I'll tell them how there mom was. I'll smile when I hear them say, "you've done that?". I know by then, I lived my life.

This is what winter can do. =)