28 December 2013

..the morning I left my battery..

(c) Sarah Matthew
One night, I took my clothes from my mother's closet and put it in the bag. A traveling bag. I'm not going to elope, I swear to my mom. I'll be traveling alone. Off to where the waves are. Off to where nobody knows my name, my job, my story. I charge the battery of my DSLR the night before going to sleep. The voice of my Tito Bong back in the condo where my sister and I spent for dinner resounded.."don't go back without seeing Boracay". My obedience is apparently unquestionable. I'll go heading to Boracay.
I woke up before my alarm. That's not how much excited I am. My mother took a toil in waking up early too just to be sure I have all my "important baggage" with me and that I'll reach the port safe and sound. Before we left the house, I was asked by her probably twice, or thrice. "Do you have all that you needed?". I was so sure to say my big grinning yes. And my mother always trusted me with that. We reached the port, she waited for me to settle down as she has a tendency to be a stage mom. I opened my camera so we can have a picture together, but I wondered why it's not working since I charged the battery.....the battery....the battery is still in the charger. At home. Thirty minutes ride, if not traffic. She glanced at her watch and looked at me quietly. I can't afford to drop the trip just because my camera doesn't have a battery. She kissed me goodbye. And I, sitting there, wished that it was still the night I'm packing my things. Or in the house before she locked the door. Or before I was so sure to say yes. I put back my camera to its bag, and waited for the boarding time. How that small square can now be this significantly big. I took the breakfast she prepared for me. She's always been that sweet. And she's now at home. Probably back to sleep after waking up so early today. The guard called my name, telling me that a lady is looking for me. My mom..waving in the window, showing her hand with the battery. I hide the tears.

The year is about to end. As I waited for my laundry in the spinner and watching the Christmas lights while lying in the couch, I remember this story. This year, there could have been times we doubted God's goodness in our life. Eventful and life-changing circumstances happened by way of many losses- the death of  the people we love, and the number of tragedies that united the world. For some, it could have been a year of unanswered prayers, or a failing health, or a feeling of being stuck and nothing is absolutely changing. For some, it's just God being deaf and being blind. 

As we look forward to another year, God is like my mom asking us twice, or even thrice. "Do you have all that you needed?". Our answer is a grinning yes. Because we have a high-paying job. Because we have a stable relationship. Because we have just bought the new iPad Air. Because our house is fully furnished, and we can afford a luxury travel. Because no one in the family is sick, and everything seemed become accessible, affordable, and stable. Then LOSS snap our security ground. Everything stumble. Everything was dismantled. The God who is all-good becomes the God who turned His back.
What could have gone wrong? We forgot the "battery". We put God in a box, so small that we forgot the God who operates in our lives. We forgot that nothing could work out without Him. Even if it seems  that we have all that we needed.

Today, you may have felt lost. You might have grown weary from trying how to be strong.You may have forgotten how it is to be loved. You may have forgotten that there is God.

Today, God is waving in the window of our hearts. "I am Here. My name is Jesus." 


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