Since falling asleep is as elusive as sauntering the peaceful shore of my dream beach (wish my waistline is 24 by then), I'm able to make some rumblings here in my hideout. With the unforgiving schedule I have for the past days, it's easier to whine and grumble for the things that are preventing me to have a peaceful sleep. I have a distorted routine: from my prayer time to maximizing the opportunity I'm still with my flat 8 family. Even my scheduled off was totally turned to working days and I could not do anything less than to sigh. There were days I remember that I've been praying fervently for God to send me reasons to keep my enthusiasm despite the grueling, arduous days. And for the many times I've fallen asleep while praying. The days I'm missing my family back home, the freedom I used to enjoy from dust till dawn, the comfort from being taken care of, and the many things I wanted to do alone. And while all the bumps are heading my way, I cannot shy away the endless providence I get to receive. It's hard for me not to notice them since they are the very language of God comforting me, leading me to trust in Him all the more, keeping my belief that being pushed to do things outside of your comfort zone is perhaps God's training ground in making me a better person.
Because of some inevitable happenings in our ward and all the changes of our schedule, I was forced to go on an unconventional number of duty days. Yesterday was the last day prior to my long-awaited off. Whenever I looked at the corners of the ward, I can imagine my bed and big pillows waving a crunchy "hello", seductively lowering my defenses against being awake and empowering me with the thought that I should have been in my room, rubbing elbows with prince charming in my dream.
Started my day shift with an emergency operation and with the first day of holiday here in the East made me feel like a newborn child grasping for whatever help there is to keep me alive. And because the patient is also a Filipino nationality (I've tried being impartial), it pressured me all the more to have him operated at once. I can't afford to call for a Code Blue (emergency call for patients who went flatline) without my seniors around, not under my watch. I don't know how we did it having only 3 staffs on duty but we were so happy when the Surgeon came to us just after the procedure and said that our "Kabayan" is bleed-free. I'm usually moved by small gestures of my patients getting well but in times when you are lazy to go to work and things like this happens, it's a big gesture of God working through your "dark dawn". That same day, I was able to have some good bonding with my cancer patient. Looking through his jaundice (yellowish) eyes, I wonder how he knew my name since I'm not fond of introducing my name which is supposed to be a must on first-hand patient contact (I envy nurses who do this). For the many times he said "thank you Kim" to me, yesterday was the crispiest. Maybe because I'm not in a hurry, maybe because yesterday was a day destined for me not only to hear but to listen to my patient's thank you. Yesterday was a day for me to realized that Nothing Just Happens, as what Bo Sanchez said. Yes, it's my dark dawn going to duty when you anticipated it to be your rest day, but true enough that it was written that I should be on duty yesterday. God doesn't want me to be absent, He wants me to be in the front row so He can teach me another set of lessons in life. And He chose to have it done in the hospital, my Second Place. In time I consider it as dark dawn, God flipped the events and gave me my bright day. Indeed, the things we need to learn in life are just outside our comfort zones!
Are you having dark dawns in your life now? Congratulations! God is holding you a lesson, in a place of your inconvenience, in a manner that is incongruent of your choices. He is turning your dark dawn to a brighter day. More than you could ever think of!
Bright Sunday to all! God is Amazing!=)
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