..first love never dies..

I was preparing my patient to be brought down for operation. He's at his 40's. His almond eyes that becomes obliterated the moment he smiles remind me so much of my first love. Beside him is his 5-year old boy wearing those pair of glasses, observing my every move and asking me what I will gonna do with his dad. Patient for this cute little man, I said we'll take his dad to the Operating Room to remove what makes his dad sick. The stretcher was positioned in the room and my patient obediently followed the instructions. I am about to give the pre-operative injection when he came out from my back, grabbed the safety bar of the stretcher that was taller than him and tried to fit his circle face on the spaces and said "Daddy I am here. You take care, ok?". I don't know what's with those words from a 5-year old but it touched the kid in me. It took me to a time when we were taken out of the chance to have these words said, to have that kind of moment I will just be forever wish to happen.

I said many years ago that I have forgiven you. For leaving without a word, for a goodbye that was never said and explained. I allowed little consolation to embrace me that it was always for the good, that He knows the best and that everything ends..all the pains, the sufferings, and the longing for days that you are not here. Yes, I have forgiven you from that unwanted goodbye. Nonetheless, there will always be good memories to go back to, a moving painting where I can see you there in the canvas of my vivid memory. You and your almond eyes. Those eyes that I once believed cried for joy when you had us. And with that thought, it will be enough to maintain the colors in the canvas: where you do not fade, where you do not grow old, where you stay forever the man I first loved. You died, but our love didn't. You died, but your love didn't.

Happy Birthday Pap, you'll always be your daughters' first love. It will never die.

You take care, ok?-Kim and Robz

..will you give your heart?..

The lights in the room are now put off. My only source of light is coming from my computer screen. I can hear some musical notes from my roommate's snoring that brought a smile on my creamed-face while indulging with the warmth of my spongebob comforter and once in a while giddy movements of my toes. I have a tiring duty this past days but having some sort of "mental instability" always lead me to being in the state of composure. I have this peculiar feeling of strong conviction that something so beautiful will soon knock at my doorsteps. That whenever I look at the sunshine whenever I have my morning travel to the hospital, I can't help but close my eyes and thank God for the joy He is investing in my heart. The joy that does not come from having expensive stuffs and all, but something that is so intangible yet so very real you cannot do anything less but just be grateful. Call me mad (and you'll make me proud,haha) but there are certain point of the moment when it seems that the Earth has no opposite poles, no longitudes and latitudes, no verticals and horizontals, only that single inconceivable point where you feel that all is exactly one and the same, that God is real and is very present. That nothing there is to be done on that moment but to breathe the love immensely available, given with overflowing generosity you'll say "what more is there to ask for, what more in life is more important than to feel being loved every single day, what more there is that God cannot do for His most beloved?"

I have my joyful palpitations intricately woven in a manner I have very little understanding where it is coming from. I confess that my life's journey is a whole lot like a night traveler with excess baggage. I traversed an unfamiliar road, felt that the night seemed darker with another step and no one I knew will lift a finger once they come to learn my excess baggage. But as just there are guiding stars no matter how dark the night is, the light of gentle grace casts its shadow on my path I was able to finally unload what's keeping me down a slow walk. Indeed, there's nothing bigger for God's mercy, nothing so convoluted that He cannot solve, nothing irreparable that He cannot make new. There's nothing you have done to disinherit His love. Nothing.

Are you burdened lately? Have you ever felt like traveling in the night with nowhere to stop? Has life been unfair you do not want to take another step? If God made that dark night, could He not flip your fate and send out the brightest day?

Give your heart to the Lord, He'll make unconditional amends.  His heart is too big for your indemnities. Just come, He is waiting. I guess, His arm's already open=)

When will you give your heart?

..of being out of service..no more=)..

The calmness of the night was broken with my heart's joy as I was finally able to open my Chameleon's wall! I can't contain my happiness despite the throbbing headache and sorethroat that is inhibiting me from having a good night sleep. I don't mind anyway, it's roughly 1:00 0'clock in the morning. I want to be where I can be myself, nothing to worry with words I am saying and just jubilantly expressive of my thoughts. This is the loveliest thing to do at dawn and I compose myself despite being sick, and even runny nose can never stop me from scribbling down. I have good memoirs of the past days while I am not able to write any articles due to a site glitch. I have intricately spent some "me-time" a couple of days ago. It was one of the moments when I have the strong drive to be still, lingering in my memory the good things that are happening in my life and how the Lord keeps pouring His love on me, my family, our business, and my noble career. I got goose bumps of  the thought how abundantly blessed I am.

I was seated on the corner of the coffee shop, waiting for the next bus going to the villa where I am giving my muscles a bit of stretch and toning up. I removed from my Spongebob paper bag my Gratitude Journal, not minding the store's onlookers who happened to be the worker and my only company at that moment aside from a chocolate donut and Oreo frappe. I love how the green grass soothes my tired eyes from almost a day of sleeping. Faceless people kept passing by the store and I don't care that much. Not even a cute hottie can disturb me from filling up my love tank by spending time with myself. I took a slow walks going to where the bus parked. I reckon that I feel like having a catwalk on the hospital's hallway. Alright, now I can hear you say there you go again, Kim. Since my eyes are incapable of recognizing people from afar, I just gave a smile to someone who called my name. I gave her a "hi" and we hugged. It's a shame though that I happened to forgot her name,LOL. I reached the gym with that eager feeling of blessedness, took the warm up and started making good sweats. The universe connived since I owned the whole space being no one was there at that moment. I smiled here and there, shook my head once in a while in disbelief of how immensely things are going right for me and the people surrounding me. Oh yes, it's not wrong to imagine God watching me sweat  while  I devour with His goodness.=)

I went home so light and happy and happy and happy. Did I just mentioned I'm happy?haha You know, we can always whine about our daily encounters with life's routines. Be it caught in a traffic jam, a missed elevator opportunity and a whole bunch of endless misfortunes. I even whined why I cannot write an article. Well, if it wasn't because of the days that my blogsite is out of service, I won't be able to experienced those things. Sometimes, certain events happened as a re-direction but always leads us to where God knows where we will be happy at. I'm back to where I can be myself and to where I can share what I was gifted with (self-proclaimed). Do not give up on simple glitches in life, especially if you have that feeling that you never should. It's just God maneuvering to bring you back to where He thinks you'll blossom beautifully, usefully, blissfully and happily. I was patient with my glitches, and so I feel the utmost important of writing. I think I'll go mad if I can't write. If that would be the case, it would add insult to the existing injury,haha

Thank you once again for the precious moment you spare with Chameleon. I miss writing, I miss us. (nah, this is just a writer-reader relationship=).

Happy and blessed week ahead!  I'm overjoyed! Kim at your service!=)