..The Tough Love..

(c) Cathedral de Bencao

I refused to be her Preceptor since day 1.

It's not that I don't like her. But I feel that I've given the best teachings to my previous Preceptee  I feel like I'm drained already to have another one. *"Sa inyo daw po ako Ma'am Kim sabi ni Ma'am Claire", uttered the soft-spoken voice. I saw kindness in her eyes I have no way to refuse anymore.

It was Friday, her first day of 12-hour shift. I knew that the girl is trying hard to give her best shots. But it seemed to me that there are so much more from her to give since we are working in a critical unit with critical patients. Tough love, I thought. But she never gave me an impression that it's a mistake deciding and sticking to be an ICU Nurse. She wanted to have her tasks done to the last bits.

That Friday evening, the bus left her. 

I was her In-Charge. 

Days flipped into months. There was an instance that I would go back on Friday just to check on her competencies. And modest to say that I would lay my name on the line so that she will somehow feel that I would want to bring out the best in her. Again, it's the kind of tough love I thought was good enough.

I was surprised when I saw her one day in blue scrubsuits, manipulating a dialysis machine, that girl on the first day I was refusing to teach. I swear, I had my skip beats. I shy away looking at her. She made it through her probationary period!

Some tears are forming at the corner of my eyes. 

I walked out the door. 

I was so damn proud of her.

She reminds me so much of Rolenkim.

He never gave up on me when I was a nobody. He never detested my absolute inadequacies. My worth are on His palms. My life was protected by His mercy. He bent down on the ground, wrote my name on the dust that reads, "My Beloved".

Where can you find a love like that?

I close my eyes.

Even in darkness, He follows me.

Even in abyss, He chases me.

Where can I run that You can't go?

Where can I hide from You?

Where can you find a God who never uses the tough love?

I close my eyes and I gave up on the truth.

He just LOVES me TOUGH!

*Ate Claire said I'll be with you.