Long way back months before going home, I was able to had this hearty conversation with my Auntie. For a normally thinking person, a question thrown like "when you were my age, what were those things you wished you did that you weren't able to do?" might give you a hint that the one asking this is a) in a questionable emotional state of equilibrium b) "may pinagdadaanan" (going through something) c) avoiding future regrets.
I have spent the better parts of my vacation thinking about the concept of Quarter-Of-A-Life crisis. That which as I defined n. something incomprehensible that you are trying to comprehend.
On tougher nights, I would cry in sobs I don't want to hear. On brighter days, I simply stay where I needed to be.
I was in Calaguas Island for days.
I slept in a tent beside the shore, under the canopy of stars. The lights are off at 7 o'clock in the evening. No Facebook, no Instagram. You can hear the splashing of waves against the boat anchored securely on mangroves, giving a blinking red light among the shimmering horizons. There's no trace that a city is existing at hand. There's only you, your God, and the things in your heart.
Looking at the blinking light, I wondered why I waited for me to turn 29 before doing these things. I've been working hard for years that I felt I failed to reconnect with myself. Success is so tempting and I understand why many bask in its glory and attention. But it could be so blinding that it diverts your energy to fleeting moments. Moments you have given up, like sitting inside the tent watching the sea and breathing the unmolested air of serenity. Moments of sipping a cup of coffee with your love ones, talking how the neighbor's daughter got pregnant at 18, and laughed why her own daughter hasn't brought any man at home. Moments when you removed your costly Birkenstock sandals, and realized that there's nothing more tactile than walking barefooted and feeling the earth's heat. Moments you woke up sweating from long hours of sleep as the afternoon sun peeks inside your see-through tent roof and you brace yourself saying, "where all those years gone?
A study conducted in Harvard University states that many people today goes to bed more stressed out and burned out. The house and car mortgage, the iPhone6 plan, the WiFi bills, the condo rentals, and the thought of your next profile pic. There are more people who are nurturing envy since a friend just checked-in in an out-of-the-country, where-the-who-is-with-whom status, more people less grateful since they too have practiced the Art of Comparing.
The social media can do.
The world is so challenging and it's a battle of the fittest. But perhaps, the goal is not to get out of life surviving. Because surviving is impossible without accepting that not all questions have answers, so as not all incomprehensible can be comprehended--haunting as they are.
I saw the kids pumping water for taking their bath. I asked them to smile as I focused my lens on their direction. They did without asking why.
I guess, I should learn to do the same thing.
I should abandon everything to the One who are all-knowing. That's the only way to explore the unexplored part of happiness.
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