.."Let Me Takeover"..

She deteriorated so fast after she'd been admitted for 2 days. The doctor said she acquired the infection from the hospital that anytime from now, she will be connected to ventilator to help her breathe. The day we feared came to close when she succumbed to respiratory distress. Tears keep flowing from my eyes as I do ambubagging to keep her breathing while the machine is being set-up. I forgot where God was that time, though it had been my habit to pass by the hospital's chapel before going to my area. And in my own lose grip of faith, a colleague approached me and said, "let me takeover". I suddenly recognized where God was. He is on duty, too, to save my patient, my grandmother. 

"Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died", Martha said to Jesus. This could have been my family's aphorism on that Good Friday 20 years' back when we lost my father to murder. "Lord, if you had been here".... How many of us would want to utter these words? When a newly wed lost her beloved husband to aneurysm? Or a couple who's been into years of trying to have a baby and lost it to Ectopic pregnancy? Or the hundreds and thousands who died in the super typhoon Yolanda? "Lord, if you had been here"..

I never had any experience of rain pouring on Good Friday. It's always usually hot and humid you can wring your handkerchief. Figuratively, the air is heavy it must've connive with the feeling of losing someone. And that someone is no ordinary. He is His One and Only. What could have the Father felt? It's the same with you and me. Anguish. Bone-searing. Debilitating pain. 

But what is ours that does not belong to God? What can we give up that did not come from Him? What could we surrender that He hadn't given?

Nothing. 

No one. 

I may not know everyone of you, nor I have the least of idea what are the many "crosses" you are carrying. Sometimes, it feels like the weight on our shoulders are too much to bear. It's ok to stumble. It's even alright to cry. For even Jesus fell thrice. Even Jesus wept. He even cried out loud in the cross, "Father, Father, why have You forsaken me?".

I pray for your courage, I pray for your strength, I pray for Simone of Cyrene to aid with you in carrying your cross, I pray for patience to endure your Good Friday, and most of all, I pray for a clear visage as you look forward to your Easter Sunday. 

Let God takeover.

"I'll make all things new" ~Jesus

..when God asked me to have a double chocolate chip muffins..

(c) Silver Pen

I always love telling my story of being stuck up in Singapore Airport for 12 hours. For those who wasn't able to read that blog entry, this is a refresher. I was on my way back to Riyadh when I learned that my flight has actually a 12-hour gap when I was expecting of only 2 hours of stay before my connecting flight. Not to mention the a) dreary separation anxiety being away from home again, b) having only a book and laptop in my bag, and c) a half day of having not showered (I swear I had a long bath after). Pessimist called it a series of unfortunate events, while an optimist believed it to be a series of blessings hiding among unwanted circumstances. Because at the end of my unexpected 12-hour lag, I was given a seat. A Business Class seat. 

This reminds me of the many Bible stories of the long wait. How Noah endured the years of building the Ark for that night and day's of downpour, how Moses was prepared for that magnificent parting of the sea, how Elizabeth in her old age gave birth to a son, how Anna waited for Jesus on the day He was offered in the temple, and the list goes on. It can blow your mind to think that those parch years of waiting seemed to be fruitless, agonizing, and I'll understand when Elizabeth said, "how could this happen in my old age?" Again, only one answer can drag us back to reality. God's time is always the perfect time. That a close door to many is an entry way for God. That a No, is a turning Yes when He wade His mighty hand. 

I've been single for years and seriously, I dated no one. You know, emotionally entangled with someone else. This part of my life seemed to be parched, untamed by my own choices and priorities, agonizing in a way I doubted if I am meant to live a life of marriage and raising kids ( I want 5), or simply raising orchids, cross-stitching and feeding and bathing orphaned children (yeah, it crosses my mind sometimes but I would want to get away with the thought. As I said, I still want 5.) I sometimes feel like being one of the stars in the night sky. The one that is not so starry-starry. I'd like to believe though, that in those nights when I would stare at the sky, he would stare at it, too. 

I realized why I was given the chance to experienced a set back that night in Singapore Airport. God was saying, "Miss Tan, slow down. You are not superwoman, but know that I am your super God. Sit down, have a double chocolate chip muffins, read, see me among the crowd, hear me among the sound of boiling coffee, taste my goodness by keeping still. What are you in a hurry of? Don't you realize that I can give you all that you will ask for? Did you forget how gracious your God is? But if I'll give you everything that you want, how will you know Me?"

Do you feel like being stuck up?

Are you having a lag?

God must be preparing your Business Class flight. =)