..I cried at 12:02 in the morning..

(c) Young Love

I was walking in the hallway. Faces I don't recognize. Voices I can't comprehend. Somehow, the place seemed familiar.

I just don't know why I'm there. All I know is that I'm looking for him. 

I continued my walk and saw my colleague. 

"Why are you here?", I curiously asked. "We have an urgent case today", Ate Neslyn hurriedly answered. I realized why the place is familiar. 

I'm in the hospital.

My heart leaped in an instant for the reasons I do not understand. It must have been my frequent intake of coffee.

 But it's not.

I searched for his name in every hospital's station, while anger started to well up. 

He hasn't told me anything, not a thing after all those hours of conversation.

 "Ah, he's in Room 10", the lady in white finally told me.

My feet seemed to drag me back everytime I move a step.  He is in Room 10.

I begin to feel afraid, and oxygen becomes a luxury as thoughts juggling on my mind as I near Room 7. 

Then there was Room 8. 

A man came out from Room 9 holding a newborn. 

I stopped for a while and looked around.

The plants seemed greener in the white hallway. "..in Room 10"..

The wind blew gently. This afternoon is different from the rest. 

A step closer.

But there was no Room 10.

I ran back, determined to find him. 

So that he can explain. 

So that I can hear him again. 

So that I can pull him away from this place.

So that everything will be back to normal in our hiding place.

I sneaked through the half-covered glass wall. 

There he was. In a numberless room. In hospital gown. Sleeping soundly.

.."We have an urgent case today". The reverberating words of Ate Neslyn flashed in an instant.

I was not born a runner. But sometimes in your life, you become one.

"What is your case today?" My persistent question the moment I found Ate Neslyn.

"Heart Stenting. I was called to go on duty for this case. They say it's very urgent.", she casually answered.

"May I know who the patient is?" Now I'm breaching patient's confidentiality. 

She mentioned his name. I felt a lump on my throat I can't swallow in disbelief.

My instinct's right. And why this afternoon is different. 

"I will attend in his case". Tears welling at the corner of my eyes. "I need to be there for his case".

"I'm sorry but the Cardiologist will NOT allow you". 

I needed to be there in his operation. See him at least. See his heart at least.

It's the first time in my life I regretted I turned down the offer to be a Cath Lab Nurse. 

I went back outside his room. Contented to see him sleeping. Angry that he hid all these things when I entrusted everything of me to him. Saddened that I can't wake him up and say "Everything will be alright" when he's not aware I can see him from here..........

I woke up in such a way bad dream has not awaken me before. 

I reached for my phone.

It's 12:02 in the morning. And I cried.

I cried for even in a dream, I can't afford to lose him.

I can't afford to lose a   f r i e n d.