..the morning I left my battery..

(c) Sarah Matthew

One night, I took my clothes from my mother's closet and put it in the bag. A traveling bag. I'm not going to elope, I swear to my mom. I'll be traveling alone. Off to where the waves are. Off to where nobody knows my name, my job, my story. I charge the battery of my DSLR the night before going to sleep. The voice of my Tito Bong back in the condo where my sister and I spent for dinner resounded.."don't go back without seeing Boracay". My obedience is apparently unquestionable. I'll go heading to Boracay.

I woke up before my alarm. That's not how much excited I am. My mother took a toil in waking up early too just to be sure I have all my "important baggage" with me and that I'll reach the port safe and sound. Before we left the house, I was asked by her probably twice, or thrice. "Do you have all that you needed?". I was so sure to say my big grinning yes. And my mother always trusted me with that. We reached the port, she waited for me to settle down as she has a tendency to be a stage mom. I opened my camera so we can have a picture together, but I wondered why it's not working since I charged the battery.....the battery....the battery is still in the charger. At home. Thirty minutes ride, if not traffic. She glanced at her watch and looked at me quietly. I can't afford to drop the trip just because my camera doesn't have a battery. She kissed me goodbye. And I, sitting there, wished that it was still the night I'm packing my things. Or in the house before she locked the door. Or before I was so sure to say yes. I put back my camera to its bag, and waited for the boarding time. How that small square can now be this significantly big. I took the breakfast she prepared for me. She's always been that sweet. And she's now at home. Probably back to sleep after waking up so early today. The guard called my name, telling me that a lady is looking for me. My mom..waving in the window, showing her hand with the battery. I hide the tears.

The year is about to end. As I waited for my laundry in the spinner and watching the Christmas lights while lying in the couch, I remember this story. This year, there could have been times we doubted God's goodness in our life. Eventful and life-changing circumstances happened by way of many losses- the death of  the people we love, and the number of tragedies that united the world. For some, it could have been a year of unanswered prayers, or a failing health, or a feeling of being stuck and nothing is absolutely changing. For some, it's just God being deaf and being blind. 

As we look forward to another year, God is like my mom asking us twice, or even thrice. "Do you have all that you needed?". Our answer is a grinning yes. Because we have a high-paying job. Because we have a stable relationship. Because we have just bought the new iPad Air. Because our house is fully furnished, and we can afford a luxury travel. Because no one in the family is sick, and everything seemed become accessible, affordable, and stable. Then LOSS snap our security ground. Everything stumble. Everything was dismantled. The God who is all-good becomes the God who turned His back.

What could have gone wrong? We forgot the "battery". We put God in a box, so small that we forgot the God who operates in our lives. We forgot that nothing could work out without Him. Even if it seems  that we have all that we needed.

Today, you may have felt lost. You might have grown weary from trying how to be strong.You may have forgotten how it is to be loved. You may have forgotten that there is God.

Today, God is waving in the window of our hearts. "I am Here. My name is Jesus." 

..night travelers..

It was supposed to be my rest day when I was called to go on on-call duty. It's nearly midnight, but the call of profession knows no time. I hurriedly prepared, and off the night I rode the bus. I sat comfortably, being the only passenger in that trip. I wanted to close my eyes so I can have a cat nap, but there's always beauty concealing among the dark sky I cannot shy away not looking at...

Not so long ago, I attended a beautiful mass in Carmel. It was nearing Christmas. But the manger is still empty. "They are still traveling in the dark night", I wanted to tell the priest. Imagine how a pregnant woman riding on a donkey, pacing on a night of cold, trudging in a place without lamp posts, without Facebook to share  her check-in, without a certain place to stay. Imagine how it is to finally find a place, only to find out it's full, and a door just closed right in front of your face. Imagine how it is to labor among animals, and to give birth in a nook, without the flowers and balloons welcoming your bundle of joy, without the banquet of foods to celebrate His birth, without the world knowing that a Light just broke in the dark night. From the poorest of the poor, none of us was born this way. 

In the most profound way, God delivered a beautiful gift that didn't come with fireworks, or a big applause, or a large crowd to create noise. It's heart-warming to think how God uses simplicity in manifesting a greater kind of love. It's not the food we have on our table, for many are in hunger. It's not the clothes we wear, for many are suffering from naked injustices. It's not the big Christmas tree, for many are homeless. It's not the glamorous lights, for many are in darkness and wounded. It's not what we received, for many are waiting for givers. Let us go back to that night when God is teaching us what matters most in life. To be a comfort to others. To be their lamp posts. To be their home. To be their keeper. To be their manger in their dark nights of travel. 

Looking at the Nativity, what could be more lacking? Warmth is there. Beauty is there. Acceptance is there. Joy is there. Gratitude is there. Contentment is there. Total Surrender is there.

Love is there.

How do you prepare His manger? Can He stay in you?

Merry Christmas! 

..turning point..

My sister and I are having a quiet talk back in the hotel in Bali during our first out of the country vacation. In one of those talks, he related to me how he turned down one applicant during an interview for our newly opened business. He is a nurse by profession, and since he "badly" needed a job, he applied. My sister told him that he is overqualified for the position and that he can serve well if he can practice the gift in rendering service for the sick.  Frustrated at my sister's response, he said that he was undermined. "I do not undermine what you can give. My sister is also a nurse", Robz told him. By saying "no", my sister redirected him to a future "yes" in his career. Because she believes in his purpose.

I remember this story as to this writing. My blog site is celebrating its 3rd year anniversary. Yes, 3 years of publishing articles. God is just so good for always inspiring me to pour my heart out through writing. In any starting point, there's no such thing as easy. Because this blog site, just like the story above, is a product of  a redirection.

The Story of Rejection.

Years ago, I am already waiting for my US career. Everything was set. I passed all the exams, hired as a Staff Nurse in Washington, enjoying life knowing that a greener pasture is at hand. I already pictured out bringing my family with me, having a house with a chimney, and celebrating white Christmas with them. I said I'll raise a family there, and would save a lot so I can send poor kids to school as it has always been my dream. Then the detour happened. My application's dead as recession in the States progressed. 

The Story of Redirection

I asked permission from my mother one night. I said I was already hired to work as a nurse in Riyadh. And she would not believed me, since she's already oriented of my US dream. But knowing her daughter, she didn't hold me back. I set out trudging unfamiliar roads. I learned to cook meals, wake up to wash my clothes, and independent and accountable of my own decisions. I learned that I am not a traveler, but a pilgrim. And that the world has many faces hidden among the daily struggles of being weak at times and choosing to be strong when needed. I learned that the vast deserts have many stories to tell, and I questioned once if it also cries. All these learnings, I came to put into writing, the birth of this blog site 3 years back. Should I have stayed in my comfort zone, remained to be idle in waiting for the dream that is not "yet" mine, I would have not made any one of these articles which are mostly based on my daily encounters with my patients, my moments of solitude, the braving times of being away from the people you love and the comfort of them just being around. This is my most prized detour, my most applauded redirection,  my longest running commitment, my valued turning point.

I would like to thank all of you for being with me for the past 3 fruitful years. I am a nobody who writes behind the screen, nonetheless, I never felt less knowing that I am making a connection to someone else whenever you would stop and read my posts.  For all those strangers who left their private messages of gratefulness, I am empowered everyday to reflect on my life because I know, out there, someone else can somehow relate to my articles. I am not afraid anymore to be alone, for most of my reflections are done out of being at peace even in an unlikely corner. Thank you, my dear readers!

Whenever I would start an article, I would always close my eyes and say, "Teach me God how to write". And He sustained me for the past years. And so, it is lawful for a servant to honor her Master. Thank you God for holding my hands all these years. I can hardly enumerate the bounty of Your mercy. I am afraid, but I won't hold back.  Grant me the courage to do Your will. Use my life for Your Greater Glory. I am all Yours!

And to Chameleon, my Third Place, I don't know where to pick up my sanity without your presence. Our relationship has no demands. You understand my silence, you are good at it. Thank you for aptly absorbing all that I can give, even those that I can't. My life had never been the same when you allowed me to write. 

More of Life's Great Lessons with you!=)

..to the end, love searches..

(c) Naked Truth About Literature

Isabelle went to their meeting place. But Bonifacio was not there. Their lives were changed...forever.

She admired how he plays guitar with proficiency. He admired how beautiful she was in those slender dress. Being an undergraduate, and her, being a licensed Pharmacist, at the start, their worlds are set apart. Born to be a man of intelligence hindered by poverty, he worked to earn a decent living. That, captured her heart. But not of her family. And yet, love as mysterious at it is, provoked them to face the world against all odds. She carried his child out of marriage. She was disowned by her family who has a prominent name in the society. They set off a plan to meet. On that afternoon of hope, while Isabelle was there waiting, Bonifacio failed to show up...

And so Isabelle, in her pregnant state remained with her parents until she gave birth to a baby girl. She named her Linda, after Bonifacio's sister. Macario, the man whom she had always turned down over her love for Bonifacio persistently win her despite having a child out of wedlock. He married her. In those times when her life was set right, Isabelle still communicate with Bonifacio's sister. Until one day, it just stopped...

It was around Christmas time when  a car stopped by our gate. A woman on her 30's is looking for my Lola Linda. She introduced herself. Her name is Linda, her mother is Isabelle. I was there when my grandmother hugged her tight, while Linda was crying. Isabel is now in her old age, and never save a photo of Bonifacio. Linda came to see a picture of his father whom she never met her whole life. And the message of Isabelle, whose love for him never grew weary all those years. Despite being married to the man who loves her. Despite of everything.

When Linda left, it puzzled me how Bonifacio was so insensitive to just let her go. When she was ready to leave everything behind. When she defied the rules out of love. My grandmother told me that sometimes, lessons in life are being taught by just one single act.  Maybe, in another lifetime, they will see each other again. Maybe.

To the end,  true love searches. I saw one that day.

How come I won't, Bonifacio is my grandfather.