..On Failing..

"He got a failed mark". 

This was a morning greeting when I called my auntie the other day. We were talking about my 11 year-old cousin who just entered high school. I hadn't fixed my hair yet while looking at the broad mirror and holding the phone and listening to her grumblings. I must admit that an ache reached a certain part of my heart. Not because I have too much expectations in him. Not because I love him so dearly that I am treating him like a younger brother to me. Nor because I am paying for his tuition by my own free will. It hit me because I know what he felt. Failing itself is not the issue, it's the feeling of having failed someone else that is. How come I won't know? 

When I spent my vacation last June, I saw the medals I received during my competitive years in school. All those symbolic tangible evidence of my hardships were still kept securely by my grandmother, my avid die-hard fan. It reminds me of many things; that I can't wear those metals around my neck to succinctly describe my character, that I can't make them as an extenuating excuse not to live a decent life. But the most remarkable realization was that no matter  how accomplished you are, once in your life, you failed someone. The greater pressure is when that someone keeps on forgiving you, accepting you, blessing you all the more, loving you all day in and all day out, making you feel that there's always a chance to bounce back.

Many years ago, I am like a child fear to approach my grade card to God. I am ashamed, because many times I have "failed" Him. I won't show up in prayers, and would go deaf when He would whisper. But He was persistent in pursuing me. That's how crazy He was. One day, I laid down my failed card to my Father's hand. He grabbed my cold palms, ran His warm hands and lift my down cheeks high saying, "You can always try again. I won't get tired on you. I'm not giving up on you."

How many times do you run from God's mercy? When would you give up resisting Him to do wonders in your life? How long will you run from God?

P.S.

My greatest failure is the main reason why you are reading this blog. Fail many times, bounce back double! God loves you! =)