The hazy surrounding makes it difficult for me to see his face. But my heart recognizes his vague motions. I was surprised how he'd knew my whereabouts since it's not kind like of me to tell him what I feel. I am comforted with the space he left many years back. I knew I went off to bed with all those additional weights of thoughts on my shoulders. And I'd like to keep it to myself as much as I can. You know, to prevent the spread of contagious negative vibes. Of course, an optimist does have that. I reckoned he figured out my mixed emotions, and in many occasions, when he is less felt, I'd like to think he trusted me enough. But sometimes, how I wished he doesn't. And this day is one of those. I rarely had time to have a private conversation with him, simply because we were used to that. I don't want to give him the impression that I don't need him anymore, or that he was forgotten of any sort. Or that I can always stand on my own. Because when no one is looking, when the light dimmed and I needed to shut my little world to my own space, the man I rarely talked to held me from afar. It's as if he knows what I'm going through without me having to tell him, it's as if he knows my struggles even though I have aptly hid them. And I find it strange being a daughter. But not until I realized that I still have a father..watching me from afar, praying for me from afar, intervening for me from afar, trying to get through me from afar.
I shed much tears since I left home, but I haven't felt so comforted; that in all my bearings and burdens, in all those unspoken cry for help, when my buoyancy fails me at times, and the abating strength is at its verge of succumbing, from afar, he made me feel that I can be brave again. Because he taught me to be the day he left.
And again, I feel strange. I missed him so much...
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