25 July 2013

..you'll never be your age again..

Photo Credit: Robz Tan 
I feel like I got a good massage after a warm bath, a moment for a while to shy away from all the days of toil. The water trampling on my feet creates a hush I savor for more few minutes. The tan lines on my shoulders are still very visible, and I love it. It has many stories to tell, but as private as I am, I would like to keep it as private as it should be. My mentor sent me an assignment but as of the moment, it still hangs open for me to even make a jumpstart. It made me think to outline my priorities in the next couple of years. Yes Sir Bo, I plea for extension =) 

I just turned 18 (ahem)  a couple of days ago, and I can feel a bizarre jolt whenever I'd think of the things that made my sanity on ground. Madness to life, I have lots to tell so I cannot be an object of your envy just in case...

-Games are not my cup of tea. I've never played Farmville, Plants vs. Zombies, and Candy Crush Saga. If cops would handcuff and throw to jail innocents of online games, I'll be the lone occupant, the President and Muse behind bars.

-I only learned to carry make-up when I was 27. As I mentioned before, my guy will never be pressured because I'm a low-cost maintenance girlfriend (soon). If you would raid my bag, I'm sorry to disappoint you that it contains old receipts..from ATM receipts down to credit card receipts dated don't-ask-anymore-ok. But be glad to know I dumped it all before turning 28=)

- I often forget to bring a towel to the bathroom. When my alarm would wake up almost all the people in our flat, it's automatic that my feet would drag me to the bathroom. And only after I have a good bath would I sometimes realize that people who go to take a shower should bring a towel with them. Or you'll end up tiptoeing with your old big shirt. Been there, done that.

- I cheated twice in my life. The first time was when I first made a love letter. I do not know how to make an introduction that I needed to copy lines from the Bible. The second, when I chase after a love I'll never have.


Years are turning fast. Chances come and go, some of them are one-way road. The sun will still shine 10 years from now, but you are not sure if you are still there on that sunrise .So wear that bikini while your waist line can be measured, while your skin can still lock moisture, while the lines in your face are the lines of laughter, and the structure of your body can support your jump shot, while you are still at your best shape, and you don't need an external memory to remind you how it is to be happy. Dream the wildest dreams your imagination can afford and live life as if it was the day you were born. Where everything is new, everything is something you look forward to discovering and learn, where there are no "if only", "I shoulda' and woulda' and coulda'". Don't be afraid to make mistakes and look stupid at times, for happiest people in the world are the ones who do not need to think what others will think. They live within their outlines, by simply being who they are. Lastly, don't be sorry for loving someone. It's the most contagious disease in the human history.

Live the life you always wanted. For you'll never be your age again.



14 July 2013

..on flying by Business Class..

I stepped out from the plane with a heavy heart. My 42-day vacation is over and so far, the best laid-back days I could ask for since the day I started earning on my own. I arrived at Singapore Airport with drained enthusiasm but I needed to get going. I presented my connecting boarding pass to verify my gate number expecting that by midnight, I'll be on a trip back to Riyadh. And the big, unexpected humungous twist happened. I was informed that my flight would be 12 in the afternoon the following day..THE FOLLOWING DAY. So if my Mathematics skill is not yet rusted from all-out swimming, that would be more or less a 12-hour stopover, with my baggage already checked-in, my heart bruised from melancholy of missing my family back home, and with only books on my bag. I breathe as deep as I can, inhaling the priceless, tax-free air. I walked around like a backpack traveler, my mind wandering how to kill time.."Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.", my memory grasped this verse. I continued my steps and realized that I'm lucky being in an air conditioned place, lights are shimmering everywhere I don't need to carry candle to watch over my steps. I am determined. I will enjoy the present situation, I will make the most of this total shift of adventure. Afterall, I wanted to be a traveler.

I was advised to avail a $45 voucher ; my first blessing after the jolt of  excitement returned. Good thing that there are Filipinos everywhere I was guided with much relief. I was amazed of the thought that I could actually have a gastronomical indulgence for free. I sat on one of the most busy coffee shops in the area, sat like I'm really are a traveler, ordered for a Grande White Choco Mocha and  two pieces double chocolate muffin. Oh yeah, life's sweet with detours sometimes. I opened the book I cannot managed to read on my previous trip. As I sip my cup, it's as if Joel Osteen is preaching to me live..

"I can guarantee you that your difficult situation will never improve as long as you stay in a negative frame of mind. But if you'll develop an attitude of faith and expect events to change positively, then at the right time, that situation will turn around...Your attitude should be "God I know that You are at work in my life. Although the miracle I've been watching for didn't happen today, I know I'm one day closer to it! I'm one day closer to my answered prayer, and I'm not going to get upset. I'll not allow myself to get discouraged. I know that your timing is perfect, so I'm going to stay in an attitude of faith and keep trusting You to do what is best."

I was able to sleep in the middle of my inmost storm that night, in a place where the sun will still shine. Sometimes, our feet bring us to places and situations we expect less. It's easier to complain, to be discouraged and fall into mediocrity and complacency. I learned that God often uses those situations of inconveniences to show us a better way to get out of it, a clearer path to follow ahead, a redirection over what it seemed to be a rejection. That afternoon, when I was able to find my gate for boarding, a miracle I didn't expect was given to me. I was handed a Business Class boarding pass. It shook my world that it's like "a good day to die for" I needed to go back and clarified in the encounter if indeed, it was meant for me. I received a warm smile saying, "it's definitely for you Miss Tan". Should I complain? Of course not! I'm in no ground to question the gift!=) Just at least another digit in my age will be added, I was able to experienced the best roller coaster adventure at 27.

Life's funny that way. When you embrace what's in your present, you expect a best life now.
Happy Sunday!

01 July 2013

..She embraced me once more..

Monastery of Mt. Carmel
My half-inch sandals paved noise as I walked into the familiar floors. The sun is high as I waited for the hour of Great Mercy. Its rays entered into the windows and struck a vibrant effect on the turquoise color of the high ceilings. I bowed down to show respect for Her. My hands are a little bit sweaty as my steps culminated into the pew where I always find my resting den. The flowers were arranged in specific lengths, and there are still used candles that were not yet changed anew. The piano is covered in brown clothe at the right far corner. You cannot underestimate the power of melodious songs it creates when the notes are hit right. I pulled the cushioned footrest, barely looking at Her while at the back of my mind, She knew I was coming. And before I was able to kneel, tears have been dropping my cheeks. I looked at Her tender eyes, and gentle sobs begin to fill my empty space. I don't know what to tell Her, nor where to start. I covered my face with my closed hands, pouring out a prayer I cannot say, letting Her know that I am here once again asking for Her strength, imitating Her composure in silence, surrendering the things I don't have the power to control, and the courage to brave the roads yet to unfold. I was not afraid to show Her how vulnerable I can get, because there's nothing I can hide from Her genuine face. The same face I struggle to hold on to when it feels like I'm a waning candle steadfastly illuminating the light needed by someone else. And the soft sobs turned into inconsolable ones..

I heard footsteps coming toward the altar as I buried my face to the wipes I held on my hands. The men carried a new piano placed before the altar. They looked waywardly at my direction, being the one left alone there and I didn't give much care. The man in his 40's started to hit soft keys, and it filled the place with hymn. At the farthest left corner, a responsorial psalm reads.."My Lord is kind and merciful".. 
I sat down on the pew, examined the whole place, trying to memorize its details so I will not forget. The hour of Great Mercy has passed. The inside of the church fell silence again. I am there, emptying the heavy loads I cannot tell to anyone. I know I was prompted to come to Her today, for She always been my liaison to Him.

She listened.
She held my hands.
She embraced me once more.