..oranges and self-emptying..

"I am decided. I'll do it all the way." And because of that, I lost 2 kg. Nah, I love the stretch of your imagination but don't get me wrong. I've been on a fruit juice diet the past Lenten season, no rice, no meat. I'm a health buff, but I'm not on a rigorous self-deprivation just to get the figure. Eversince I was born a Catholic, I'm always a failure to do Kenosis or self-emptying. I'm a type of always on the go, restless but ironically, a fanatic of solitude. For the record, it's my first time to observe a week of fasting and penance. Fasting from all the things that usually robs my peace and time for the greater ones that deserve my attention. Morning and evening, I would go to the kitchen and patiently took time slicing oranges and making my own fruit juice, my source of energy while work is impossible to dismiss from my array of tasks. After sometime, I would feel some jitters as my tummy starts to protest for solid foods. So, this is how hungry kids from the streets feel when they would go to sleep without nothing. It takes a strong determination to shut my eyes when the roasted chicken was served at our pantry, not to mention the fried rice. So, this might be the feeling when you eat and then someone would stare at you from the outside, wishing that you will not consume the whole meal so that they can get a share out of it. It was a dreary start to be honest, and temptation is always somewhere peeking in every corners. The only thing that keeps me pacing is the thought that if I cannot deny myself of the basics, how can I give myself to God and allow Him to fill me. Being "hungry" taught me to depend more on God's provision. It sharpened my trust, led me to know what it is to be poor, not only with things that keep my body going, but with what I need to keep my spirit alive. Solitude from self-emptying magnified my blessings, belittle my doubts, deepened my relationship, provided me an ample time for prayer and thanksgiving--something I overlooked from a busy career.  

Losing some weight is a reversible problem. It's nothing compared to what I gained. Knowing that despite of who we are, what we have done and what we have failed to do, there's just One Man willing to go through hell just to give us heaven. True love is not a hearsay. True love lives. He lives.