..I Love You Just The Same..

We have our own stories to tell. Stories of defeat and victory, of enthusiasm and bleaks, of powerlessness and hopelessness, of losing and having more. All the while, along the sentences and paragraphs we created out of our everyday encounter, we commit errors. We are hurt. We hurt. We fail. And fail others. But none of these exclude us from God's love.

God does not proof-read.

I remember that day when mom and I had a fight. I really mean terrible fight since I was reasoning back at her. I cannot control my anger, I cannot control the raging words that kept flowing out from my pained and crushed heart. My mom, whose eyes are swollen, is silently listening to my indignant words. If there's one thing I was regretful about, it was the day I crushed her hurt. When I asked her if she still remember that day, I was surprised of her answer. "When that happened?" 

I was speechless, teary-eyed at the same time that even before I asked for forgiveness, my mom binned that memory in her mind. I know I was forgiven. 

God's like that. He does not look for mistakes you made out of your everyday life. He does not evaluate the wrongs in each sentences and paragraphs of your everyday existence. He instead read your whole work and smiles lavishly. When you come to him to tell your wrongs, I guess you'll hear the same. "When that happened?"

God has no memory of your mistakes. 

He does not have a Stabilo to highlight your wrongs.

Because His love is bigger than all your mistakes put together. 

God does not proof-read.

God cannot be bribed.

I am also one of you: fighting a tough battle, praying for better days, making better out of your old self, living with the tides and blows of life, and persistently loving and chasing for happiness. If only I can disclose on this page the "hard-earned" peace I have for the moment and the many nights of wishing that tomorrow would be a day that I will be able to finally unload and be totally at peace with myself. I tried to appease God by pleasing people. The thought that if I do good to others, then He will love me more. And if I do wrong, He'll punish me by ignoring my prayers. But one night has changed the way I looked things my way.

I finished the letter with tears blurring my vision. With all the apprehensions and fear in my heart, I gather my whole strength and decided to send it to the two most trusted people in my life. I have so many failures in my past decisions. And there are so many things I've done that I'm not so proud of.  That night, I can only shook my head as I ran past of that article. 

Until I read my confidante's reply: Nothing has changed. 

Until I read my sister's reply: Nothing has changed. I love you just the same.

I felt God's embrace that night. 

When I have to do nothing yet I am loved. 

When I am bare of my hidden ugliness and yet accepted. 

You cannot bribe God to love you. It's His nature to do so.

Why I am optimistic.

Someone asked me not once, not twice but often why I am so optimistic in life and where do I get that optimism. It's a question I cannot directly answer in a snap, but with a smile. I am still a concoction of optimism and pessimism. But to shine a beacon of light, I choose to dwell and give thanks to whatever is happening and will be happening. I treasure my struggles just as I treasure my achievements. In times of turbulent winds, I go back to those struggles and thank God how I was able to overcome them and simply keep paddling knowing that it's another treasure to add on in my box. When I pray, I pray for God's will and at the same time, for courage to accept His will. I fear, honestly. But I am reminded of my favorite verse waving in bold letters: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"..

Thank you for the whole year being with me by dropping by on my Third Place. I wish you not a smooth road, but a courageous heart to trudge in it, not a sunny sky but a ready heart for the rain. Treasure your difficulties because He is capable of turning it into blessings. And choose to be better no matter what.

Love has found its way to me. Love has healed me. Love changed me. I was loved unchangeably. And hear out God saying, I Love You Just The Same.=)

Happy and Blessed 2013!