..the right attitude on cockroach day..

I went to the ATM machine wishing that it hasn't ran out of money. I waited for sometime while I am imagining the cheesy pizza in the nearby building-the four kinds of cheese melting on a thin crust soft dough served hot. Then the machine expelled my card, realizing that it needed to be reactivated to make any transaction. The thought of melting cheese pizza faded and I could almost forgot the talk I listened  earlier about keeping your joy. I wished I was careful with my wish earlier-that the machine has an ample amount of money, and my card is well-functioning. One of life's jokes sometimes.

I roughly had a 3-hour slumber and fixed myself and went to the bank. Thank God Ate Tin accompanied me. While waiting for my card to be validated, we had a good chat about chances in life, work, undeserved blessings,  how to keep a positive and vibrant disposition on tough times, and the thought of having a pizza nonetheless. And because the ATM machine has an ample stock of money and my card is now ready to be bruised again, we went on  fine dining. It's almost 3 o'clock in the afternoon and my tummy is on a protest having had nothing since I came home from duty. She said her order and got mine too. I love how the afternoon sunshine brighten our little space, the comfy couch and the melodious silence. 

Our orders arrived, and we can't help our eyes. That's the beauty of having no one to see you pigging out. Or at least one trusted friend. I held the plate of Lasagna, ran the knife half on it and was bragging how it was served smoky hot. I put some on my plate. I noticed though that there was something unusual that caught my eyes. I don't think it was toasted garlic since garlic don't have errr, legs. Trying to magnify my chinita eyes, I know for sure that it was a kitchen's baby "monster". Maybe on its neonate stage, no wings developed yet. At least not full-grown adult, thank goodness! I called the waiter, saying with all humility that I wanted another serving of Lasagna. I showed to him why and he was so sorry. We didn't mind the incident, keeping the smiles on our face and inhaled and exhaled with enthusiasm that it didn't landed our taste buds. Minutes passed, the manager went on our table and was so sorry for what we "found" on the meal. I said that it was all alright, smiling without any taste of bitterness. That's what keeping joy all about =) Just replace the old one and we'll be fine, I told him. In a shameful tone, he said " I will not only replace your meal. I will make it double..for free". 

In life, we will have our "cockroach" days. Perhaps, a loss in whatever form. Perhaps, a non-cooperative and hard to deal co-worker, a delayed in promotion, a missed opportunity, a difficult boss, a broken relationship, a betrayal from a friend, an unanswered prayer. My friend, life will hit you bottom rock once in a while. But God is saying: "keep being kind, do what is good, maintain composure and compassion, be sober, keep calm, be still, be more patient and giving, continue to love, keep going with your faith. At the end of all this, I will replace your sufferings with my profound blessings. I will turn your scars into stars. I will not only replace your pains, I'll double your joy. All for free!"

Thank you God for my cockroach day! You ultimately are a giver. I give my life to You. Double my joy and let me love for free!

..the key is gratitude..

The dawn is befalling and I can only hear the passing vehicles behind the small glass window of our receiving area. I rested my legs by having them elevated on our sofa. They are quite aching because of the gargantuan tasks we had in the ward today.  While I am waiting for the shower to heat up, I close my eyes momentarily, listening to the lashing of water on the bathroom floor that served as my music.

I tried to figure out the start of my day since the time I set foot on the bus this morning. The sun is attractive as it dances behind the still close buildings. I laid my head on the window shield, smiling despite not having taken my breakfast. I greeted the sky filled with a group of doves that disappeared to nowhere a happy morning . I  was suppose to ask God a question today since I fell asleep in prayer the other night. My fixation to the morning view was cut off when my seat mate gave me a pat on the hand and said " You are still young. Take the chance". I glance back with so much delight at the sky. I wanted to say a prayer, but I don't how to start.  I realized how much God is so attentive to my heart that He was so punctual to answer even before I ask. Not too early, not to late. Just on the right set time.  Have you ever felt that way? That God is so near? 

My legs are again aching, but this time, because of the lengthy time I was in my position. There's so much I wanted to thank God, so much I wanted to tell Him. There's only two instances when I love to be mute. First is when I write, and last is when I pray. Because He understands me more when it's all heart and not words.

I went to my room and grab my towel,  realizing that the bathroom mirror is now tinted with fog from the wasted water. I saw my Gratitude Journal at the foot of my bed. It has the picture of Smurf lying on the beach. It's still close, actually locked. It has its key just outside of the box. I tried to done it once, then twice and it paved open in welcome. I knew what to write, because gratitude prompted me. Because in every encounter with simple things, you cannot open happiness without a key. And gratitude is always the key.

How many of you received the things you did not ask for? And how many of you were given more than what you prayed for? Count me in!

I entered the bathroom and wrote this word with my finger on the fogged mirror: Blessed =) 

..your morning will come..

Photo Credit: Jem Ven Ar 

I should have been doing my presentation for the coming week but the temperature is more than good enough to stay in bed and count my blessings. Have you ever felt when there are moments when you feel like searching for something to give you a "lift" then unnoticeably, you become the one who assuage someone's pain? 

As I am lying vainly on the comfort that my bed is offering, I have ample jiffies to examine my life. It's the start of the year and I have many things, vacations, trips, and bondings to look forward to. But yes, I'll take things slow, one day and one page at a time so as not to missed anything under the sun. I have enough stocks of enthusiasm in my heart, God supplies them to me everyday because I remain open to His will. On the other hand, there is a part in my heart that is also open to other people's battle cry. While I am at peace with His provisions to my needs, there are and endless figures of pain that comes in many faces.

Inevitable as the morning sun, none of us is exempted from going through the rough winds of life. I, for one, with the strength I exudes in my everyday dwellings come to a point of saying, "I feel like giving up, or I don't think I can go on anymore, or Kaya ko pa ba?" Believe me, my enthusiasm has its peak. There are times it seems to be at the verge threatening me of having its bungee jumping at the cliff. It comes to a point of surrendering. The big question now is, to whom do you surrender? To whom do  you lay flat and still when all has been given up? To whom do you give up? To whom do you draw water when your brook runs dry? 

You may be in so much anguish now you feel like the darkest times is embracing you. You feel you can't go on anymore, and it's difficult to find reasons to smile. The pain is reverberating its just so hard to make a step to move on. It's just so hard to get up from bed, because even waking up to a day is an effort. You die day by day while you're still alive.

I'm reaching my hand to you. You can cry your heart out and it's ok. Everybody were gifted with tears. Use it. Use it to wash away all the heavy burdens in your heart. And while you are emptying yourself out, someone  is saving all your tears. Because those are precious to Him. Because you are precious to Him. There are no explanations for the moment why certain things happen, but do you really believe that it just meant to happen for nothing? If no, then we have a good start.

The heaviness in your heart may cloud the language of love. But please don't be a reduced man because of your sufferings. One day, as what the song says, it's gonna make sense..

I managed to held the rosary that was given to me. I felt the Man in the Cross as I ran my fingers in it, tears leaked with my closed eyes. I know to whom to surrender when my brook runs dry, to whom to give up when I am all beaten up. He experienced the worst that anyone can imagine. But His morning came. My own morning will come.  Your morning will come. =)

..I Love You Just The Same..

We have our own stories to tell. Stories of defeat and victory, of enthusiasm and bleaks, of powerlessness and hopelessness, of losing and having more. All the while, along the sentences and paragraphs we created out of our everyday encounter, we commit errors. We are hurt. We hurt. We fail. And fail others. But none of these exclude us from God's love.

God does not proof-read.

I remember that day when mom and I had a fight. I really mean terrible fight since I was reasoning back at her. I cannot control my anger, I cannot control the raging words that kept flowing out from my pained and crushed heart. My mom, whose eyes are swollen, is silently listening to my indignant words. If there's one thing I was regretful about, it was the day I crushed her hurt. When I asked her if she still remember that day, I was surprised of her answer. "When that happened?" 

I was speechless, teary-eyed at the same time that even before I asked for forgiveness, my mom binned that memory in her mind. I know I was forgiven. 

God's like that. He does not look for mistakes you made out of your everyday life. He does not evaluate the wrongs in each sentences and paragraphs of your everyday existence. He instead read your whole work and smiles lavishly. When you come to him to tell your wrongs, I guess you'll hear the same. "When that happened?"

God has no memory of your mistakes. 

He does not have a Stabilo to highlight your wrongs.

Because His love is bigger than all your mistakes put together. 

God does not proof-read.

God cannot be bribed.

I am also one of you: fighting a tough battle, praying for better days, making better out of your old self, living with the tides and blows of life, and persistently loving and chasing for happiness. If only I can disclose on this page the "hard-earned" peace I have for the moment and the many nights of wishing that tomorrow would be a day that I will be able to finally unload and be totally at peace with myself. I tried to appease God by pleasing people. The thought that if I do good to others, then He will love me more. And if I do wrong, He'll punish me by ignoring my prayers. But one night has changed the way I looked things my way.

I finished the letter with tears blurring my vision. With all the apprehensions and fear in my heart, I gather my whole strength and decided to send it to the two most trusted people in my life. I have so many failures in my past decisions. And there are so many things I've done that I'm not so proud of.  That night, I can only shook my head as I ran past of that article. 

Until I read my confidante's reply: Nothing has changed. 

Until I read my sister's reply: Nothing has changed. I love you just the same.

I felt God's embrace that night. 

When I have to do nothing yet I am loved. 

When I am bare of my hidden ugliness and yet accepted. 

You cannot bribe God to love you. It's His nature to do so.

Why I am optimistic.

Someone asked me not once, not twice but often why I am so optimistic in life and where do I get that optimism. It's a question I cannot directly answer in a snap, but with a smile. I am still a concoction of optimism and pessimism. But to shine a beacon of light, I choose to dwell and give thanks to whatever is happening and will be happening. I treasure my struggles just as I treasure my achievements. In times of turbulent winds, I go back to those struggles and thank God how I was able to overcome them and simply keep paddling knowing that it's another treasure to add on in my box. When I pray, I pray for God's will and at the same time, for courage to accept His will. I fear, honestly. But I am reminded of my favorite verse waving in bold letters: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"..

Thank you for the whole year being with me by dropping by on my Third Place. I wish you not a smooth road, but a courageous heart to trudge in it, not a sunny sky but a ready heart for the rain. Treasure your difficulties because He is capable of turning it into blessings. And choose to be better no matter what.

Love has found its way to me. Love has healed me. Love changed me. I was loved unchangeably. And hear out God saying, I Love You Just The Same.=)

Happy and Blessed 2013!