We entered the courtroom, he was there handcuffed. I was clutching at my mother's hand as we are nearing the seat. I never saw his features since he was facing the lawyers and the Judge head-down. We were there waiting, with my family still in sorrow for the unanticipated loss. It was a peaceful trial because he pleaded the word we all been waiting for. Guilty. "10 years imprisonment for the case of Homicide", we heard the verdict. I thought that it only happens in movies, but as the Judge held the wooden hammer after he pleaded guilty, I know that justice was served for my father.
Life went on for the whole family after that morning scene in the courtroom. And life was indeed hard for the past years without someone to drew strength from. You have to grow beyond your biological mind age to compensate with the demands of life. There are days when I have to ask God why good people suffer. He is only silent though, as He always was. Days turned to months, and months swiftly turned to years. We endured that dark piece season of our lives. Because God remained faithful despite of my lose grips. In His silence, He blessed me in abundance with the right people to inspire me to remain good when life is not, to keep my joy when smiling is an effort, and to trust Him even when it is daunting.
It was a scorching afternoon when I waited for a pedicab to bring me to school. I'm about to graduate then in high school. I was bothered though when I was noticed not to ride on a certain pedicab. "He killed your father", was the remark. He had availed a parol, 3 years earlier than the verdict. I felt the fear seven years ago when I first entered that courtroom. For the first time, I saw his face in that pedicab..sweating to make his family's needs. Enduring the afternoon heat to earn a living. I should have felt that hatred when I was only 9, and I cannot understand why good people suffer. But I do not know why my heart aches for that man who gave us that dark piece season. Maybe because life has its own way of training me to be a better person.
On my father's 10th year death anniversary, 10 days after the date of his death, we received a news that the man who murdered him died the same way as he was killed. My family remained silent for we already surrendered all the pains of loss years ago. As what our Priest adviser said, the universe has its laws. I do not feel vindicated in all honesty, because just like the days when we are suffering and aching with our loss, his family underwent the same turmoil. They also lost a son, a brother, a friend. They also missed countless Christmas Eves without him and days and months and years waiting for his freedom. I believe that in those days that he was inside the prison, missing his youth days when he is supposed to be building a family of his own is enough for him to realized the irrevocable "if only". That ache in my heart has finally sought an answer. When I saw him trying to make things right with the remnant of stigma thrown by the society, I know God is working behind my pains. I know God has healed that hatred. I know God never stops doing His miracles. Because deep in my heart, I have forgiven the man in Pedicab.
Thank you Lord for breaking me once, and for that dark piece that I held so bright today. Thank you for not letting me dwell on hatred and fear, but for continuously working on my life so I can be able to forgive, to love abound, and to love again and again and again.
This anniversary article is dedicated to those who are in grieve for a loss, for those who stubbornly not able to forgive..yet, and anyone of you who are having a share of dark piece. Yes, we come to a point of questioning God's kindness and mercy. I can tell from experience. Sometimes, it takes years for us to understand our countless questions because we are utterly pained and bruised. Remain anchored in your faith, because everything comes to an end. My prayers to all of you, and may the miracle of God who is always at work shines your dark piece. You knows, it'll turned out to be your brightest.=)
To this writing, I have told my sister of my secret wish for such a long time. That one day, I could visit a prison cell, hold hand with the stranger inside and say "You are forgiven".
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