..I'll collide with you if the universe will someday conspire..

" A guy and a girl can just be friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever"- Dave Matthews Band

There's a tinge of fiasco when you think haphazardly. You make rules and then break them. For man by nature is indeed rebellious. Say no and he'll find a sure yes. I'm still a private person and I indulge with my own mysteries. Of course he knew that, being the one who claimed to have known me since then. What will make me flare up and what will soothe my tantrums. Maybe because we were so accustomed with each other we overlooked what was there. You love signs and you look for them as much as you can. While I, I make them happen for you. I wished you knew how to read signs, so you could have read clearly and we could have collide. But I guess we always are destine to be separated by principles, by the situation, by our own personal choices, and that one thing I cannot risk over the thing we hoped for to happen. You tried to live your own bliss and I'm happy. Because that's what I've always been hoping for you. But why we can't get out of the circle? Of which we always end up visiting that point where everything felt just so right? And end up in the realization that reality speaks loud you have to listen to them. Or else, I'll be dwelling in the thought of which you are giving me unintentionally since then. Will there come a time when we can just sit down, I can look in your eyes and I'll never see those stares of blame while you'll never see from mine the stares of  "could it really be?". Will you ever be courageous when I have all the hold backs and fight it all through the end somehow? When you will not put me in a situation where I can avoid the thought that I am a second best? 

I should not be entertaining these questions anymore because it had long been dwelt of head up high. It's just that we are always back to that inevitable point when it seemed that nothing has changed or it's just the way how I looked at it. I hope we can eventually move out and stop the vicious cycle.

This is just another rumblings of a haphazard mind. I'm clinging on to my own rules, of which I hope I will not break anymore. Love can manifest its fragility in some certain ways but it should not deviate us from our bliss. I'm happy with what the past has brought me to the present, and what it did for you too. There are things indeed that once in a while good to reminisce, resolved or not. 

I will continue living with my inner madness. I welcome possibilities, and life's surprises. Who knows, I'll collide with you again someday..if the universe will conspire once more.=)