In a never ending routine of living life, there are instances when out of the menial day God throws paints to color the word "happiness". I am not in a state of equilibrium going to work since I slept for roughly 3 hours. Bringing out from my pocket a small booklet which I used to read while on travel, I cannot helped but notice how lovely the rays of the sun as it touches my just-now-fixed-from-the-shower hair. I was consoled by its warmth. He must have sensed from afar the peeping melancholy...and sent an omen through DHL referred to by my mentor as Delivery by Heaven's Love.
If you have been my avid reader and came across my blog entitled "Marry My Son" click here, be glad to know that I happened to meet again my favorite patient. How I wished it was a different circumstance; not a hospital setting. To keep you posted, I was right when I suspected a psychological etiology of her previous behavior. She was diagnosed with *Schizophrenia. She lost weight compared to our last encounter. Her hair were even whiter. The only thing remained and made me love about her was her sweet squeaky voice: so motherly, so innocent that only a hard-hearted nurse will never notice. This morning, she's more awake and conversant. After she did her bathroom privilege, I offered to change the linens of her bed. I glanced at where she was seated and smile at how she remained so timid. To break the silence, I playfully told her: "Can you smile for me?" Though the room was not brightly lighted and the curtains covered the wide-spaced windows, I saw a glimpse of joy on a corner of someone on unkempt hair, loose teeth and old hospital gown. I reiterated my words winking at her while helping her back on the bed. I know that touching should be done cautiously but sometimes, I am a mad rebel. I get hold of her left hand with my right and touched her forehead with my left. She may be in lucid intervals but I was so surprised when her other hand hold mine. It was the best moment I had at the start of my shift. There I was, trying to uplift the spirit of someone I assumed living on her dark room where she feels secure. In an awesome twist of fate, I was the one jovially uplifted. There I was, trying to make someone feel better assuming that my world is better than the ideal world she had created in her mind. And in a single snap of a glorious moment when her hand touched mine, I was totally cracked within. It was so pure. It was so real. It was full of love. As I am to commence combing her hair, putting some powder on her back and changing her soiled gown, she looked at me with all gentleness. The same eyes back then when I cannot yet understand the agony of her own sufferings, when she cannot use her own emotional language to express her pains, when only being unkempt and soiled made her feel safe and secure. In a soft squeaky sweet voice, I heard her say "Smile, it costs nothing."
I may have been physically spent with all days' work, spent half of my 24 hours on a place where death can wink at any given time, toiled hours caring for people who at times cannot appreciate what I consider noble and undermine what simple people consider as marvelous, I am at the moment never had a second thought that I was made for this. I have told these words for a dear friend, but in times I am losing grip, I am reminding myself: God's grace will never take you, where God's grace will never keep you.
In those hush momenst, God broke His own silence by saying: "Can you smile for me?. It may costs you nothing, but for Me, it's everything.=)
I just had a taste of a DHL=)
*Schizophrenia is a mental disorder characterized by disturbance in thought processes often associated with delusions, hallucinations, and paranoia. See this site for more into click here
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