..ending September..

I have so much to thank God for another month full of wonderful memories. I just came from my night shift duty. I should be sleeping now since the census is much than we expected. Nonetheless, it turned out to be a peaceful shift..our patients are getting better, they are all alive, and I did not ended the shift pumping somebody's heart. In addition, I have many good news from my sister whom I missed so much! I have so many answered prayers and I don't know what I did to deserve any of those (I'm not whining, I swear!=) I'm not a materialistic person and I know how to delay gratifications. But God knows the desires of my heart, I'm naked in His eyes and He can read my mind. And so, He granted me my material blessings aside from my nonnegotiable asset-my FAMILY. The stock market is not doing well, we have our negative losses and still I thanked God because we were given the chance to buy lesser cost of stocks. I do not brag of my wealth but I encourage you to invest in hard times, even with the little money you have. Sow in time of famine! Yes, I, too is an investor!=) I do not have ample time to enumerate my blessings because a lifetime will never be enough. Whatever you went through this month, be thankful. Find blessing in every situation, and be a blessing in any situation. Pamper yourself once in a while, I know God will be happier seeing you smiling. Try to fulfill a promise to yourself  so you can fulfill a promise to others. Afterall, you can never give what you never have. You are definitely worthy in God's eyes, because you are His greatest addiction. You and me are interconnected, because we were made by ONE HAND.

Let me say a short prayer for you:

Thank you Lord for creating me with the most intimate love I can never find anywhere else in the world. Thank you for being so addicted to me and to the one reading this post. Bless their families and the people who give them joy, inspiration, and even pain. I pray not to take their burdens but to find You in their burdens. Let them see You in the rising sun and even feel You in the humid air. Bless me more so I can be a blessing. Let me experience Your miracle so I can be a miracle to someone else. Your will prevails. In Jesus name, Amen!

Bring it on October!!!=)

..a hum of love for my special man..

Today is a special day because the first man of my life just turned 46! Whenever there are birthday celebrations in my family, expect me to be home-bound. That's why a month ago, I already requested for today's day off . I just wanted to be home on his day. And yes I believe that the angels in heaven are throwing him a big birthday party. I can figure out he is wearing a white shirt and ivory-colored shorts which is his usual outfit while he was still living in his former residence. Then my great Lola is there together with her one and only love, my Lolo, giving their gift to my Pap which is of course their big warm hug. Then I imagined God winking at me saying "I told you, they are at peace with Me".

I'm on duty at the dawn of his birthday. Though my admissions kept coming in, I paused for a while to send my birthday greeting. I missed my silent man, my silent angel whom I know is just around watching over his grown ups. Then in the stillness of dawn, I happened to hummed this song: 

..Sing me a song again, Daddy

Sing me a lullaby 

Wrap me inside your arms, Daddy

Though this is not goodbye

Your songs will live forever

In my heart when times get rough

THE ONES I'LL MOST REMEMBER

ARE YOUR SONGS OF LOVE...

Happy 46th birthday Pap!

..of art and passion..

'"Art gives us the creativity to express ourselves while challenging our intellect"- Art and Soul Asia

My family has embraced Art way back as far as my memory can grasps when my grandmother's siblings designed their cabinet painted with a sailing ship. It existed until I was able to see it myself. My grandfathers are vehemently inclined to music and painting. As what my Lola would tell me, they would gather on circle: my Lolo's would play the guitar and my late Lola Saling would sing aptly. It's their way of alluring young girls, which I believed an added asset aside from their good physical features. We are the naturally blessed progeny!=)

Here are some of the evidences of our inherited genes:

Evan Venegas
Architect, Adamson University
Visual Artist, Art Educator, Design Consultant

Above are some of the paintings of my Tito Evan, my father's first cousin. I hardly knew him since his family is settled in Laguna until the wake of my other uncle, his brother, who died 2 years ago. He works with ceramics. He holds art shows to showcase his masterpieces. Recently, he just finished his very personal project--their home-- which according to him is an Artist's Haven! Someday, if I can afford to have my own place, can you be my architect?=)

Anne Therese Balajadia Rejano
Psychology Student, University of Santo Tomas
Passion: Singing

Anne's my cousin. Her mom and my mom are first cousins. I remember in our first meeting her being quiet and shy-type. Well, I was impressed when I saw her video in a KPOP contest. She sing and dance so well!! I  can only relate to the latter, nevermind the singing,LOL She's having her Voice and Stage Performance Lessons at Center for Pop Music Philippines. Once, I got to chat with her mom telling me that they are having this sort of dilemma because she wanted to participate in a contest which would cost a semester's tuition fee. I remember having told her these lines after she felt a bit disappointed with her parents' decision not to pursue with the said contest: "who said you cannot flaunt your talent without costing that much?". She's now busy in her studies and the passion she will never give up..a dream she has always been chasing..

Keep dreaming dear Anne, we are so proud of you!

Art is everywhere: a shadow of a cat scratching its nose with its paws, a rocking chair, a laidback open book, a setting sun, an ardous road,  withered strayed leaves, unsharpened pencil, the flowing water from the faucet, the rain, solitary writing, the silence. Yes, even silence is the loudest form of art. We live in hues and contrasts, of shadows and lights, of  shapes and surfaces, of tranquility and chaos. All these combined, in effortless ways, no matter how simple or complicated can be defined as an art.

My own view of art is when I can express what I feel in absence of  my voice: in my writings, my sketches, my photographs, my own paintings. It's an art how I tied my hair without explaining why, it's an art how my hands hold my patients, it's even an art how I just sit on limelight watching the setting sun. That's the cheapest way to converse with the universe. Less, I believed is always more.

I am Rolenkim:
an underground writer, a photo enthusiast, a fan of paints and brushes, a passionate pilgrim, a lover of books, a lover  of art, a lover of life!

Who are you? What's your passion? What's your art?

..born to forgive..born to love..

Have you ever experienced being singled out despite giving your best shot in lending your hands to help others? But ended up being the villain? How would you react when a close friend failed to protect you in a situation where you think she is much capable to be your protector? Or when your expected kind words turned to be hurtful?

I'm still a girl at heart. I would still hug my pillows under my blanket while sobbing my heart out when I'm hurt. I would still call my mom in my head just like as if someone robbed my doll from me. I still drew my legs toward my chest as if doing so will barricade me from more pains. I'm still a girl who would call to my God, asking for the grace that like kids, I can always forgive. I'm still a girl who would wake up with bedazzled hair in pajama, would run to the mirror and can still manage to say "you were created beautiful" with my eyebags which seemed to lost weight after sometime of crying.

I'm still a girl. Because I can forgive despite the blows. I may cry, yes, and I'm good at it but mind you that it is my alternative medicine. You can hurt me but you can never changed the fact that I was born to forgive, because I was destined to love. Because I was raised by loving people, and that makes me to forgive. You can hurt me and that is only for a while because my heart cannot tolerate rubbish things such as grudge. Because as what I told you, I was destined to love.

As what my mentor said and I would like to share this to you:

The only way to truly forgive others is to forgive yourself first.

We are living in an imperfect world, everyday you'll be hurt. Someone will throw a stone in you, someone will step at your toe, someone will slander your name. But remember that you, too, is imperfect. So let your matters rest in God's hands.

I can assure you that I'm not exempted from everyday blows. I'm still vulnerable to the 'stones' of life. But as long as I believe that I am forgiven because of love, who am I not to do the same? Afterall, we all live in circles. What we give will be equally reciprocated.

How do you forgive? And how often?

..it pays to let silence caress your face..

The night wasn't the same like the other nights. I looked up to the sky and the moon seemed lazy being there waiting for the stars to come out. I stared for a couple of seconds that I guess turned out to minutes until some of the shining stars slowly appearing out of the dark silent night. I feel like removing my shoes, feel the heat of the earth's floor, spreading my hands out of the air and inhaling the air just to fill every alveoli in my lungs. I feel like dancing on my feet with the music only I can hear..because the music is coming from my heart. Then in every move, every twist and bend of my body gives a therapeutic benefit since in its every gesture releases my emotions..every sweat from my nape comes with it the extraction of what I feel that night. It's vague how I thought of being barefooted on a crowded hospital premises. If only I'm on a deserted place, I will dance to the music of my heart. I will dance like it was the first time I will move my limbs. I will dance like tomorrow is a day when music will be forever mute and the dancer will be forever deaf. 

In a busy day, it pays to stop for a while and gaze the blanket of stars. What a relief to sometimes shed tears in an awe how my loving God created the universe..and how hush can do to a beating heart..

♥..delayed blessings=)..♥

"Such a lovely place, such a lovely place, such a lovely place!" This is my song of the night when I learned that my long-awaited love letters finally landed on my hand. This should have been my family's surprise on my birthday but unfortunately, they spoiled the surprise since they themselves are excited in letting me know that they sent something for me. If you've been reading my blogs, you would know how I longed for snail mails. I believe that there are no unanswered prayers, only delayed blessings! And mine came in a bunch! Because I have received more than what I wished for. Because I'm super happy, I will disclose some pictures of my love letters=) *photos were captured by my DSLR which by the way got well today..yipeeeee!!

Great gifts come in small package! This is the only thing I received..or so I thought. Because when I opened this tiny thing, it contained 6 more mails! 

The best message every mom can tell their kids. I just heard it from our own version of "best mom"=)

Why I never inherited her good handwriting? As what my IELTS instructor said before, "You are a good writer..JUST IMPROVE YOUR PENMANSHIP"..ouch, hopeless case..

When all else get blurred, this picture would be the last to fade..

This one was from my mom..Actually, she sent me two cards. The first one is the top picture with a verse from the Bible. Inside it was my mom's scribbling of love and longing. Below it was what made me smile a lot. It's a funny art of a girl making face with my favorite words just below it. My mom's such a sweet brat!hahaha (the other one contained chismis so better not post it at all,LOL)

We don't wear heels, but we walk as if we are wearing one..because we are each other's shoe!

 I just love the simplicity of the texts, it speaks a lot the kind of relationship my sister and I have. Inside it she wrote, "That's us, Ate. You are the world's greatest sis!"

from my dearest tita who taught me what selfless love is, what is self-denial is all about. and above all, SERVICE is synonymous to LOVE..and both can speak in behalf of the other.

Kathreah's card for Manang Kim

Clarence's and his Papa Kato's gift. Clarence wrote his letter using a ruler. Mind you, I'm doing that too when I was a kid!haha

The orange-tinge card came from my beloved tita. I ran my fingers through her writings and ended up kissing the card. The truth is that I kissed it all one by one after reading it. The left lower card was from my cousin Kat who's also good in art. She painted at the age of 9 if I'm not mistaken in a canvass! Something I never done at my age. The right lower part came from my other cousin Clarence and his Papa Kato, my uncle. Both expressed there thank you's and again, I can't helped to run my fingers on their writings. As if I'm just touching the edge of their fingertips.

Oh my, how can I hate the world when I have all the inches to prove me that love governs it? When nothing past the second or moment I felt neglected and unworthy? How can I take grudge on this earth when I feel closer to heaven? Love governs this world. Only love!

..rescued by spongebob..

Every single moment of our life is created for a purpose. There will be seconds of laughter and minutes of tears. A fraction of an hour for sadness and a lingering days and weeks of happiness. Every single moment we exist is a stage for God to show His greatness, His ground to teach us lessons we needed in order to grow, in order to appreciate the bounty and miracles in life, in order to differentiate what is fleeting from those that are eternal.

Today, I have a heart-melting lesson-learned experience. I was about to go to bed when I gave a glance to open the pictures from my DSLR, my most intimate friend. It was borrowed from me the night before since my friend Gretchien celebrated her 26th. Unfortunately, I was on duty. "PLEASE BE CAREFUL OF IT" was my emphasized instruction. As in giving a hyphen in every syllable. Today before I retired to sleep, I was disgusted when I learned that my most intimate friend got a glitch! It seemed like my blood pressure is on the nth millimeters of Mercury should at any given time, the blood pressure cuff will PUFF flatline. It was exactly then that Pauline, or Pip as what we call her came to the room. I asked her in a stingy, inept manner how it came to be that the fully functioning high-end camera became like a what-the-heck-happened-to-this-DSLR. Pip tried to maneuver it, explaining while doing some twists and turns that it was "well" last night until that glitch of idiopathic cause happened. She went out of our room and came back again trying to extend the utmost help she can give but all she heard from me were "Wag ngayon Pip, mainit ang ulo ko". She quietly left the room. I knew something was not right with what I've said because I can feel my heart aching. I gave myself sometime to breath, sometime to cooldown. I can't take it to go to bed with a heavy heart at the thought that I might have hurted someone. So I decided to go to her room but she was not  there. I waited outside the bathroom thinking that she's just having a bathroom privilege while at the back of my mind is a plan of hugging her and says sorry I was stupid. To my dismay, Pip was nowhere to be found. It was grace that I saw my spongebob notepad given to me as a birthday present. I started scribbling, and in it were these verbatim words that goes like:

Dearest Pip,

I'm not angry,  sorry for the initial reaction. I love Flat 8! I hope you were not offended with what I've said. I'm sorry :c

P.S. Wake me up when you're around.

Love,

Kim

I stuck the notepad on her door with bandaid to keep it from falling off, hoping she will read it the soonest. Still, I'm not contented with just leaving a note. So I waited for her. After sometime, the door in the receiving area  swung open and it coughed out Pip. I moved toward her and hugged her right there and then saying how sorry I was. And spoiling the surprise of my notepad on her door. Pip was humble enough to accept my repentance even saying that she might have touched the settings of my intimate friend. And I felt the lightness as she said that everything's well.

Sometimes, we are blinded by the things that  doesn't count the most. I could have ruined a good friendship should I have chosen material things over relationships. I could have ruined an eternal gift should I have chosen to give weight to perishable things. Sometimes, it could only take a minute to break someone's heart and leave a lifetime of painful scar. 

This is another meaningful day of lesson. Another day of grace to be humble and admit your inadequacies. Thank you for this day that spongebob rescued me. What would life be without pen and paper?

..my week's rebreather..

 I'm supposed to be in the hospital for my scheduled job but the universe conspired for today's event. I was called for an off'. And because it's my self-impose rule to give myself  a little pampering,  we hit the mall for a good escape!

-->We had the time of the night doing what girls really wanted to do--s.h.o.p. I visited my favorite boutique, the H & M. I think not a branch of it is existing in the Philippines. This shop is a good finds for girly stuffs. They have simple yet very wearable products both for women and men..and for kids as well. Since Filipinos are known to be "kuripot", we go for items on sale! And it goes so well. We are like diggers of anything labeled with the magic word-SALE!hahaha

-->after such a thought of having a taste of my super favorite DQ icecream for a week now, I finally dipped those hand-shaking spoon into what seemed to be an ocean of mercy! God, I feel anesthetized as my taste buds triumphantly munching the super duper yummy icecream in the universe! My personal flavors are chocolate covered strawberry and oreo cheesecake. Since the former is not available here, strawberry cheescake will do. Duh, they all do for heaven's sake!!

--> and to top it all, I got my hair done! For the first time in the history of Kim's Black Hair Book, the rule was broken. Now, it's "thou shall try new hair blend" from the former that states "thou shall not indulge in hair-coloring regimen". It's good to make rules you can break!=)

My week could be either relax and soothing or hectic and sleep-deprived. At any given situation, I still opted to have a week's rebreather. I'm just blessed to have a bunch at the dawning of September.

How did you breathe this week?

..speak out to defend what is right..

Doing what is right is a mammoth of challenge. It's easier said than done. I understand why some people cannot stand up for justice.The common denominator emanates from fear. I don't believe in hearsay about one of our physicians. It's my pledge to "help the physician in their work". My co-workers said that he's addicted to a known narcotic. I don't have my concrete proof to believe it. But nevertheless, I'm careful not to feed what his addiction-to-what. One late night, as we are indulging ourselves to the 2 boxes of pizza, he came asking to give his patient a shot of pain reliever. He insisted after I explained that the patient already received a dose of analgesic. Knowing what to do and the precautions to take, I prepared the medicine in an unconventional way but still observing patient's rights. I went to the room, my mind in focus swearing to myself that I have to do what is right. My obligation to my patient, being their trusted advocate is my stirring motivation. "Let me do the giving of the injection" he said in plain manner. "I will give the medicine Doctor" I said not being oblivious of my own fear. I grabbed my patient's deltoid muscle and safely given the medicine, making sure that it was indeed the medicine I prepared and was not exchanged for a "fake" one. I think that the angels are hollering with their flags wavering in the air saying "You did it Kim!".."You absolutely did it!"

Sitting back on the chair and holding the half-bitten slice of pizza I was not able to finish earlier, I felt proud of myself. It's like I was able to hit the buzzing mosquito who's about to bite his victim with my index finger turned into an imaginary gun and then blowing its smoky end right after I successfully hit the target bulls-eye (what a fictitious analogy on this wee hours,haha) They say that it takes good men to do nothing for the evil to triumph. This is so true. I know it's really hard to stand up for what is good, to do what's right and to remain to be good especially if you are enslave by fear. But keep on praying for help that at all times we will have the strength to turn down the chance of being an accessory for the evil to win.

I think God just winked. And it's my wish to make Him wink more often=)