..I am supposed to say "yes"..

"He laid on my hands the pair of rings. I shook my head in disbelief. He proposed."

 My mom informed me that he was outside home waiting. I asked who she was referring to as "he" for I haven't brought someone home or had introduced someone to her for the past years. My mom said "he" as if she knew him before. "He was there for hours now waiting for you". To end the arguments, I peeped outside the window and indeed, it was really him. "How did you met him mom? I asked. But silence was all the answer. He followed me whenever I go and though I pushed him many times, he would not give up on me. In fact, he was there on all my struggles and vindications. And the best thing was he accepted and loved me in my ugliest past. He would appear in almost all the ordinary days, not knowing that in one of those ordinary days, I will not see him any longer.

I tried to move away from his directions, making sure our paths will never meet. But what can I do when his pursuing power to come closer despite my contradictions is more powerful and enduring. I showed him the worst part of being me, and to my surprise, he even did helped me fix that ugliest part.

One day as I walk on a hazy narrow strait, the other "he" approached me and said he will also wait. But with great delight on my heart I said, "I'm sorry. Go after her. She is also waiting for you. I decided to say "yes" to him. And I left with the image of  the pair of rings on my head, ready to say the big "yes"!

I entered on that place. There was a flowing river in between where I stand and the other end of what seemed to be a dining place. I looked into the river, magnificently changing colors as it emptied into a deeper pit. The flow of the current is smooth as if the shutter speed was reduced. I felt so serene looking at the river. I looked around and saw my friend Brit. She passed through a transparent bridge over the river from the dining place. "I'm looking for my mom and him. You saw them?" In a while, you will know was all her reply and she too left. Impatient of the passing time, I drew strength and asked the "boss" of the dining place. "I came to look for my mom and her companion", I politely said. "ahh, haven't you heard the news? There was a crime here hours ago. The woman is still missing. And the guy she's with is dead. Anyhow, the pair of rings was found". He handed it over to me. The rings. The same pair of rings that was laid on my hands days ago. I looked into the river with tears escaping unrelentingly from my eyes.

"The moment you were gazing serenely on the river was the moment he passed away" said the "boss". "I am supposed to say yes, that's why I'm here".

But the river's smooth flow was all my refuge.  As if taking with it every tears I can't resist to hold back and burying it to the deepest pit.....still feeling those tiny metals on my hands reminding me of the yes I'll never be able to say, and he will never be able to hear......

...and I woke up in my dimly lit room. Far from the river that changes color. Far from the dining place and the "boss" (how did he ever knew I was gazing serenely at the river?). But seems so very close to the moment I missed to say "yes"..Obviously, because my pillow is wet with tears.