..parenting your parents..

This really sounds awful at first! But let me share how fun it is to be a parent to your, err, parents.

 I'm working 12 hours a day, not to include the overtime since I don't want to leave things undone. I don't have a kid to feed or send to school. I don't have a brother or a sister to send to school even. But I work the same long hours. Because I'm a parent. Yes, my sister and I are parents to our parents-my mom and my tita. I work longs hours to send them their allowance. I work long hours to send them to salon or spa. I work long hours to make sure they are taking the right meals and supplements and that they might as well enjoy the life they denied themselves for years. Recently, my sister and I sent my mom and my tita to a 3-day fieldtrip. Yes, we work long hours to pamper them. Here's the pacing of events:

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It's my tita's first plane ride..finally!hahaha

They arrived Saturday morning boarding Philippine Airlines. Since it was  raining that day, their get ups complimented with the weather.  My sister fetched them in the airport and they headed directly to the hotel where they stayed for three days and two nights.

We were blessed to get an early reservation a month before we revealed our surprise for them. Happy to see them in a relax mode, free of worry and just being a certified 'bakasyunista". Since I'm still on duty when they arrived in Manila, I took some time going to the bathroom often to check if how they're doing. I'm so powered up to do my job, all-smile with their smiling faces painted on my mind.

 

Buffet dinner after the spa and Jacuzzi experience.

As part of their itinerary, they went to Wensha Spa Center on their first night. They had their ultimate Jacuzzi experience! My sister was so fond relating to me over the phone that the three of them went all naked,hahaha Can't post pictures, kinda censored,*wink They had body massage thereafter and a buffet dinner. It cost a bit but having them experienced a royal treatment is definitely priceless.

 Every Sunday is Feast day for my sister. Literally because she is attending The Feast at the PICC, it's a weekly gathering of God's people headed by Bo Sanchez. This is a wish granted as what my sister posted in her wall when she updated her facebook status and I quote  "Sundate w/ my fam..¤wish granted! thank u Father God — at The Feast PICC.". I was grimming to my ears while I am browsing my phone in secret. It was such a raging of happy hormones for me! 

After the Sunday celebration at the PICC, they headed to Manila Ocean Park to watch a show. The weather was just fine but still a bit gloomy as what my sister told me. Next destination they visited was at The Mall of Asia. They had lunch at Razon's and  made a stroll around the mall. Told you, I'm updating myself as long as there's a chance to go to the bathroom and make a call. It's like making a live phonepatch!haha My sister texted me that they find the prices very costly and so I was freed from their supposed-to-be shopping spree.*wink exhaled,hahaha 

The rest of the evening, they just stayed at the hotel preparing for their flight back to Bacolod. I called up after my duty. I can't feel I'm tired. I was not feeling tired. I'm just happy as I am listening to their stories and the Jacuzzi experience and everything. It's so magical and therapeutic how the joy of your love ones become your pure joy too. My sister said that they wished I'm around. I wish twice as much as they wanted but I don't really mind. As I said, it's all worth it! 

 

  Now waiting for the flight back home. Three days is very short. It's very short for my sister and I to show our gratitude and love for the people who were the culprits of what we have become. It's never enough to commensurate the years of their hardships and perseverance in trying to build good children, giving good education, and making us feel that although we do not have more, we never felt that we are less. We are in fact abundant and wealthy in every way..because we have them around. 

We love you mom and tita! I never imagined how fun it is parenting your parents!=)

P.S.

Dear God,

For sure, when I'm on my death bed, I will not remember the long working hours..or the money I accumulated and spent..But it will be as clear as the heaven's sky the memory of the times I felt  happy seeing my love ones happy. Irreplaceable. Nonnegotiable. Eternal.

Thank you for the memories!

Love,

Kim

..a call is enough..

My biggest , nonnegotiable  and most expensive blessing of all time=) 

After savoring the sweet thoughts for this week, I got up from bed and picked the phone. "I miss you kim, I love you"..This was an early message from my dearest aunt. I made a reply and learned that they are heading out to buy pasalubong for my sister. Tomorrow will be their flight bound to Manila with my mom. My sister and I are teasing them that they will have their "fieldtrip" together, hahaha When I learned that my uncle is giving them a drive to the city, I made a phonecall. It was not the usual casual talk with my uncle because he now expressively uttered "I miss you day,.I love you". I don't know what happened but I guess my family learned to be more expressive when we did it first as examples. They say that children learned from adults but as for us, adults learned from uhm, halfway to adulthood?=) (talk about age-denial) I thanked God for the ocean of blessings we are all enjoying. Most importantly, for the biggest treasure He entrusted me. My sweet and loving family. Hearing their laughs and iloveyou's are all enough to make me believe that it's all worth it. Nothing compares to the joy of being loved every second of the day. They definitely take the front seat of my life. Everything else takes the back seat. And with this thought comes a prayer for a healthier, safer and merrier days with them. A call is more than enough to remind me how blessed I am.

..and I feel richer everytime.

..a thought of him in pink umbrella..

Awaken by my room mate's drafts while she's preparing for her duty, I can't doze off again. I said my morning pray, thanked God for another restful sleep last night and for his brief message. It was unexpected knowing that he is reviewing for his 2nd board exams next month; his second license by then after he earned his nursing license way back 5 years ago. I can't believe he actually had to open his facebook account just to make a reply. Relinquishing the time passed as I am lying idly on my comfy bed, he was sitting on the front seat of the class. I don't know if he's just near sighted or what but who can forget someone who wore those pair of glasses with his pink umbrella he can never make a day without.  Being a quiet-type but a speaker of the class, I would just love listening to him the moment he opens his mouth. Indeed born intellectual, musically-inclined, talented in nature, good looks and attitude combined, it's less to say that he's a complete package. I just wondered we rarely bumped with each other after graduation.  The only occasion as far as my memory is concerned was that one rainy afternoon when I was processing a US application and I saw that familiar pink umbrella. No doubt of doubts it was him. As usual, he sound so gentle and kind with our conversation that lasted for only minutes. How time flies. I just learned recently from him that he took another course, the one he was passionate about. And I appreciated him more..more than a guy who wore that pair of glasses..more than someone who would bring along with him a pink umbrella..more than a class president..more than a music-lover,.I appreciate him for chasing his dreams and never give up on them..and most of all, for taking a break to open his account for a short message despite his busy schedule. Nah, I never imagined that I will smile at the thought of him in pink umbrella..

Why I feel it's already Valentine's day?=)haha better to get up and check my inbox.

..I wish Sigmund Freud's alive..

"Dreams are often most profound when they seem   the most crazy"-Sigmund Freud

I used to spent more hours in our library scanning through about dream analysis and anything that is related to it. I often end up sleepy, eye-strained and hungry because of the depth by which Freud explained it. His concepts about the divisions of the mind and personality often left me in awe, puzzled me most of the time and I can say I fell in love with Psychology then. What it has to do with this blog? He's also superb with dream interpretations, which is most likely what this article is all about.

When I was young, my sister and I used to attend a Legion of  Mary catechism, a small group of devotee to the Blessed Virgin. There we are holding a Sunday rosary gathering. Since then, the content of my dreams are  vague to explain. Vague in the sense that mostly the contents are encounters with the biblical persona. In one occasion, I dreamed of  ascending on big petals of roses which have grown on the walls of our church which was under renovation that time as She, dressed in pristine white with blue belt around Her waist, is talking to me. As a child and having not met any terms in Psychology, I used to think that it's just normal. However, such kind of dreams never left me. There are nights when I would wake up sweating after I dreamed of  walking barefooted, holding a candle on the other hand and a rosary on the other while wearing a monk's brown garment uttering words I presumed is the Hail Mary on a propelling procession ; or having to traverse uphill with lifesize rosary beads in every stop; or caught in between a vineyard on an unknown place of drought only to find a giant Bible on the midst of it and on its inside came a flowing flood spreading through the land of drought; or as what I have published in one of my notes entitled Of Heaven's Glimpse click here for further reading. Again, I kept it all inside with my usual excuse that it's just normal and that blaming the other excuses of "maybe I'm just tired" or " I just have so much in mind". I feared of being misconstrued as someone with a gift of premonition, or a gift of calling because I might go ballistic about it. I feared that I might as well get an answer which I answered for myself long time ago..It's just normal..

I am affected greatly whenever I would open my eyes from such dreams. I want to have clear answers for it, concrete and comprehensible. I want to decipher the message(s) that goes with it and if there's something I can do to it. I wish that one day I will not fear of going back to sleep again or close my eyes. I wish one day I'll rub elbows with someone who would say words other than "it's just normal". I wish Sigmund Freud's alive..

..for the love of travel..

     When I was still a kid, it has always been my dream to travel. I got the idea from being a bookworm. I don't really know how to trace  track of my love for books. As far as I know was that I easily get curious to flip the pages of anything readable which compliment to my being a reserved person. My love for travel then was conceptualized. This could have been the reason why I opted to enroll in nursing school despite the fact that my first choice of course was Accountancy. I believe of the opportunity abroad for the nurses which was then really a total hit. And the most enticing advantage is feeding a childhood dream--to travel. And so taking the course was not that difficult for me. I graduated Cum Laude (there are many of us who got this award) and got a good board rating. Travelling hasn't been eradicated from my system then. Every now and then, I would go out with friends for hiking activities, discovering waterfalls and just enjoying the damp campsite and morning fog upon waking up from our limited space tents. My interest in mountains and beaches I guess aside from the Crab symbol of being a Cancerian which is ruled by water element is my fervent want to see the world--of all its twists and curves, the magic that is hidden anywhere waiting to be unveil by its finder. I just thank God I was given an opportunity to sauntered the other side of the world. Anyone of you who happened to come across this blog might have been a hiatus for a childhood dream. Just bust through for every passing minute is a chance to turn that dream into something real.

..focus on your calling..

I was given an offer by my colleague to take over her position as a representative in the Quality Department. Having seen her going back to work even on off days and staying late for the weekly(?) every other day(?) or daily basis meeting prompted me to say a big N-O! I have no contradictions with people changing from one desire to another; in fact for me, it's a positive sign  for personal and professional growth. When I came here to work, my focal points are on capitals letters':
EXPERIENCE (from being independent, living on my own rules to no rules at all, traveling a destination outside my comfort zone)
MONEY ( to reach out  for those I want to offer help--esp those listed in my short term-long term goals)..
But being away in chase of my purpose, I found my calling instead. And yes, it's in serving I found greatest joy. So when she laid down the offer, I have no doubt of saying no. I don't want to serve papers, I want to serve people: reaching out to them, relating to them, communicating to them (even just a trying hard copycat). Although I want money, I want my peace of mind moreover. "Sometimes good things distract us of what we were made for" my sister told me. And so I'm careful of the "good things". I don't want it to rob away from me my found joy in being a lowly servant---of God's beloved.

What's your good thing? Keep watch!

..I am supposed to say "yes"..

"He laid on my hands the pair of rings. I shook my head in disbelief. He proposed."

 My mom informed me that he was outside home waiting. I asked who she was referring to as "he" for I haven't brought someone home or had introduced someone to her for the past years. My mom said "he" as if she knew him before. "He was there for hours now waiting for you". To end the arguments, I peeped outside the window and indeed, it was really him. "How did you met him mom? I asked. But silence was all the answer. He followed me whenever I go and though I pushed him many times, he would not give up on me. In fact, he was there on all my struggles and vindications. And the best thing was he accepted and loved me in my ugliest past. He would appear in almost all the ordinary days, not knowing that in one of those ordinary days, I will not see him any longer.

I tried to move away from his directions, making sure our paths will never meet. But what can I do when his pursuing power to come closer despite my contradictions is more powerful and enduring. I showed him the worst part of being me, and to my surprise, he even did helped me fix that ugliest part.

One day as I walk on a hazy narrow strait, the other "he" approached me and said he will also wait. But with great delight on my heart I said, "I'm sorry. Go after her. She is also waiting for you. I decided to say "yes" to him. And I left with the image of  the pair of rings on my head, ready to say the big "yes"!

I entered on that place. There was a flowing river in between where I stand and the other end of what seemed to be a dining place. I looked into the river, magnificently changing colors as it emptied into a deeper pit. The flow of the current is smooth as if the shutter speed was reduced. I felt so serene looking at the river. I looked around and saw my friend Brit. She passed through a transparent bridge over the river from the dining place. "I'm looking for my mom and him. You saw them?" In a while, you will know was all her reply and she too left. Impatient of the passing time, I drew strength and asked the "boss" of the dining place. "I came to look for my mom and her companion", I politely said. "ahh, haven't you heard the news? There was a crime here hours ago. The woman is still missing. And the guy she's with is dead. Anyhow, the pair of rings was found". He handed it over to me. The rings. The same pair of rings that was laid on my hands days ago. I looked into the river with tears escaping unrelentingly from my eyes.

"The moment you were gazing serenely on the river was the moment he passed away" said the "boss". "I am supposed to say yes, that's why I'm here".

But the river's smooth flow was all my refuge.  As if taking with it every tears I can't resist to hold back and burying it to the deepest pit.....still feeling those tiny metals on my hands reminding me of the yes I'll never be able to say, and he will never be able to hear......

...and I woke up in my dimly lit room. Far from the river that changes color. Far from the dining place and the "boss" (how did he ever knew I was gazing serenely at the river?). But seems so very close to the moment I missed to say "yes"..Obviously, because my pillow is wet with tears.