When God called the shot, there weren’t fireworks. I was in fact, on bed unmake, hair messy, Sunday sunset woke me up from a good slumber. On my phone, one of the weirdest messages I’ve read.
I’ve been single for most of my life. You know those days when Valentine’s day is nearing. Or one of your friends is getting hitch. And their kids are Moving Up!
But there you are, on loaded census. Facing patient’s complain, counting the days to your next annual leave. There are mornings you will look at yourself in the mirror and say “what’s wrong with me? I’m not ugly, I have the figure, I have a job, I’m kind. But...WHY??”
And some friends will say, “ang taas kasi ng Standards mo”. (Who can relate to these angst?)
I remember in one of the coffee sessions with friends when I said, “there’s so much love in my heart I fervently wanted to share it”. The question of “with whom” ensues.
The Waiting Game
Being single has given me space to make a lot of mistakes. From kissing frogs that didn’t turn to prince to concluding that perhaps, I was meant to be a nomadic, self-proclaimed gorgeous Tita-of-Bacolod of the family. Those times of almost hitting dead roads of dating-turned-to-thank-you-and-goodbye and back to the reality that my erratic census is one of the many things that will stick to me to the end haha
I consciously decided to make my waiting game bearable.
On Raising My Standards
And how many raised eyebrows on the statement alone? But you read that right.
I don’t think that having a high standard is a sin. For someone who’s going to traverse a committed life, choosing a life partner is not just a goal but a responsibility. To yourself. To your future mini-me.
I have this little booklet moons back and I’ve been reading the things I penned when I was single.
My nonnegotiables. The things I can’t trade for a partner. TIME, for one. It shed light to what I should look for a man and not to a guy (there’s a mile different, yeah!)
Being the Right One
I didn’t lock or beaten or drowned myself to work. I became an investor (not only in stock market) in many things. I invested my time improving myself. I read as much as my time can afford. I cultivate the gift of painting when Friday’s remind me how much of a single I am. I write articles to improve my bank of words. And I do travel. A lot.
The experiences I gained by traveling has helped me find myself in the process of finding the one. Because finding the right one starts from being the right one. I never knew the veracity of this line until that sacred time...
Bene-Ready
10 countries.
That’s the number of places I was chancing to find the one. The number of chances I hoped to brush elbow with someone to cut me off from the Single Blessedness Spell. But I always go home with the lines “Ganun talaga eh”. “Ewan ko ba pero wala talaga eh”.
61 steps.
That’s the distance from OR to ICU. The distance that turned my world 360 degrees. I traveled thousand of miles. Conquered airports and languages. Lost a baggage and frequently, with directions. I realized why God didn’t answer those wrenching prayers of mine: I was asking SMALL. Really so small compared to the one He intended to give me. Those failed attempts of finding the one finally made sense.
He was 61 steps away! All along. All these years. Exchanging surreptitious gazes from that distance.
I was just looking so far.
Bene-Much Ready
”Let me be the answer to your prayers”.
When Benedict said this, I was so sure God is indeed playing favorites. In my favor. Those tedious years of waiting. Those birthday wishes (I even asked one of my Ate’s to light all the colors of candles for me, lol). Those long nights of praying. Those dark pieces of puzzle. I needed those. I needed the gift of pause so I will be able to appreciate the greater picture of my Season of Waiting.
It seemed to be a winding journey for me, but exactly just the right pace for God.
..He was sitting on the stairs waiting for me on that one cold night, the breeze of morning air on my hair, his smell consuming my senses. Without any fireworks painting the sky, him slightly daze, I hugged him tight. I hugged him tight it felt all those years of WHYs finally had its answer. Under the dome of that starless sky with the man hugging me back, and on his ear, I whispered “I Love You”.
That was our best 1:53 am of September.
That was when God called the shot.
P.S. 1
Because of reading, I was able to lend him my favorite book in his rock bottom moment (finish it please Babe!)
Because of painting, I was able to give him my canvas as a gift on our first.
Because of traveling, I was able to write his name (on two sheets of paper) on that church and prayed for him there (on my birthday).
Because of writing, I was able to send him love letters (melts his heart every time).
And finally, writing this article would have never been a reality.
P.S. 2
It has always been my dream to publish my journey of waiting.
Single friends, don’t give up on Love!
