I'm on queue to pay my grocery bill. He was in front of the line waiting for his turn. Holding a bottle of water and a pack of sandwich, I was wondering if it will be his dinner for the day. Perhaps, he is saving for his son's birthday, or a ticket back home. He handed the items to the cashier and the amount appeared on the screen. He reached for his pocket and counted his bills. And recounted again. And again. I sense that it didn't reach the amount he needed, and the cashier started to be impatient.I felt that my hand seemed to have brain of its own, taking some amount from my wallet and handed it to the cashier.
"Let him go." He just stared at me and walked away.
Cardiacinus.
Early this morning when I made my rounds, I found out that the medicines in our stocks were not checked by the one I appointed the task with. Having an impression that she didn't seriously took the accountability at heart, I was disappointed. I felt my stress hormones overflowing my circulatory system at the start of my week that prompted me to ask from her an explanation letter. Sometimes, I hate the recent job I have for it teaches me the "tough love". Is it what she needed? Is it what I was called for? To render tough love? Or to love toughly?
I realized it when in she started to think of what she's supposed to write, eyebrows narrowing, as I keep passing by on her. "I need your letter before you go", and she just nodded. When I read it in secret, part of this hollow muscular organ about the size of a fist (yeah, I just defined the heart) seemed to ache in an instant. I kept the letter in my locker to remind me that people makes mistake, and that I, too, is not perfect.
Cardiacinus.
Apart from being a nurse, my sister and I ventured in a small business that run roughly for 3 years now. I'm happy that despite the economic challenges, we are able to religiously pay our taxes (holler to the "giants" that are familiar with tax evasion!). Whenever I open my email and notices that the total amount of expenses exceeds with our net, I'm a little bit worried. Worried not because we will missed depositing to our account, or not able to have the return of investment. I'm worried because of the families that are dependent to the monthly salary our staffs receive. I'm worried that if we don't have enough, they might lost their jobs. The hell should I care when I have a job other than our business. But the thing is, what about their kids? Their parents? And the people whose mouths are dependent on their minimum wage. I also have a parent. I also work to put decent meal to our table. If they work for us, we should work for them too. That's what "let's talk business" should be.
Cardiacinus.
There is one woman I know whose heart is anatomically soft, figuratively speaking. One day, a man came to her house to sell fire extinguisher. Since she is living in a humble abode, she refused to buy the item. Rather, she let the man and his companion rest in her house, prepared lunch for them and gave them money for transportation when they left. Her daughter was worried on how she easily trusts strangers. What she received back out of her cardiacinus heart? Honestly, nothing.
But her daughters, did! They are blessed being a Nurse and a Software Engineer. (Thanks Mom for your cardiacinus heart!)
Sometimes, I wonder if having a cardiacinus, or a "soft heart", is a blessing or a curse. But my mother proved to us that it is a blessing. That no one gets emptied by giving. No heart is broken to the one who doesn't count the costs and expect something in return. Sometimes, we may not directly receive the kindness that we give. But the universe has eyes that see what our soft heart can give.
And triple the pay =)
P.S. And I'm elated to be writing again! Happy Sunday!
