..a promise fulfilled after 7 years..

I live in a house with few furniture, it's small that sometimes my mother and I would bump into each other. It's small that my mother would invade my privacy (sleeping with mouth open), and I can run from bathroom to our room with estimated 7 steps ( and now you're counting). Yes, that's how small our house is. But within that confined space, I learned how big the world is. 

 I was only a college student having our Psychiatric Immersion when I first visited St. Mary's Home For The Aged. I was surprised that it is actually near our home but didn't know that it existed until that day I first step foot on its gate. We held an activity knowing our elderly and had a chance to have a private time with them. I can vividly remember, although most of the time my memory is not serving me well nowadays (and I'm only 27) that I promised myself to go back there one day. Then life happens. School requirements overlapping one by one, pressures from graduating with decent grades (at least), and passing the Board Exams. Then I was able to received a decent marks on graduation, had my license to practice, and off I went to search my place in the world. The promise I once conceived vanished as goals started to occupy most of my bucket list. Life threw various experiences that somehow made me tough, made me more ambitious and I can tell in a way that I was blessed far more than what I prayed for. I traveled certain parts of the world, but mostly, when I am among the horizons of sand dunes or in the long walks of beach, there's always something that pulls me to go back to that core where I can feel most at peace.That core, that peace, is a luxury for someone who is restless and jovial. Today, I've known how big the world is, how small I am in that big world, but that life can always have a beautiful flip if we learn to give more of our self.

I entered the gate of St. Mary's Home For The Aged today. The bars are rusting and the upholstery in the little area where we held the activities 7 years ago welcomed me as well, for the holes are as visible as the gate. My family was with me and the morning smile of one of the Lolo's there gave an ambiance of melancholy. The chairs in the gymnasium were arranged in rows, prompting me that they have visitors for today aside from our unnoticed visit. I gazed on the garden filled with different plants and variants of flowers..
“Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will He clothe you"... We went directly in the gymnasium with the sack of clothes we arranged the previous night and waited for them while the caregivers are giving them a bath. I breathe the air that relieved all my worries for all the responsibilities waiting for me after this vacation. But then again, I came here to see them and offer myself in whatever way I know. Then Lola Bukay came in view, vibrant in her golden years, cheerful as ever when I was still a student. I gave her a hug and told her that I met her before, 7 years ago. One by one, the rest of them appeared fresh from morning bath. One of them is on wheelchair. She cannot remember her age or if she had taken breakfast. I ran my hand on the veins under her flimsy skin, held her for sometime while the saliva is leaking from her mouth whenever she speaks. Her head is a bit bowed down probably due to aging muscles on her neck. I bowed down too so she can see me. And when I saw those senile looks, I know how beautiful life is. I'm back to that core. I found that peace.

I have so much stories to tell you, of how a mom married to a doctor with an only child is there, or how being single without a family brought an 84 year old and had chosen to live his remaining days serving his fellows. I have so much to tell how that home on top of the hill is a paradise for the elderly who were left in their sundown days. I have so much to tell, but their stories are my fuel when the engine of my hope is a bit rusty, when life is pulling me down to knee. And so I chose to keep their stories in my heart, carry them wherever I am, and re-live it in trying times.

The gate welcomed me without ever asking where I came from, what I am capable to give, what I've been through in life. It opened its vast door with open arms, as if saying, "it may have taken you so long, but you are back. You may have been a different person now, but it doesn't matter anymore. You are back. You have trudged various outlines of life, you were bent , screwed up, well-spent, but you are back. It may have taken 7 years, but you fulfilled that childish promise. Receive my peace now that you are back".

P.S.

St. Mary's Home For The Aged is housing 20 elderly at present. They are located at Brgy. Alangilan Bacolod City. For any donations, you can visit their office at Redemptorist Church near University of St. La Salle.

 But if you want to have some life, visiting them is the next best thing!

..a date on the street..

I waited for sometime while my eyes scanned the surroundings. There are many inevitable changes that took place after 3 years since I've been there. Now the sky is filled with gloomy clouds, and drizzles will fall anytime without notice. I sat on one of the benches and waited, but I saw not even one of them. I stroll around holding the plastics of food that I bought earlier hoping to find just even one of them. I was persistent not to go home until I will find them. And on the grassy edge of the playground, my heart beats faster as Rachel, 12,  is inhaling that plastic container with toxic inhalant. Her blonde hair, mostly covering her face is enough to say that she hasn't been to wash room for days. I called her, and she finished washing her hands on a portion of stagnant water probably from the last night's downpour of rain. With her is Joemarie, age he cannot identify. He grown a bit from the previous years I saw him but just as Rachel, his hair is now blonde. We sat on the bench, and they hastily eat, the kind of hunger you would not wish your love ones to experience. I am aware that moment how it is to have nothing, and how a something could mean everything. I know what refuge is for I know how it is to feel lost. I know what sunshine means for I've been under drizzles many times. My momentary thoughts were distracted when Joemarie said that there are still many of them, and I told him to call them so they too can eat. And without fail, they appeared one by one. One of them asked me if I'm alone, I just nodded as she continued to eat two breads at the same time. She pre-empted my asking if she can bring as well for her mother. Who can say no?

My most hated moment came when the foods are running out of stocks. I can feel some drops of rain fell on my cap. The clouds are growing heavier, but then a portion of the sky is shining. As I watched them eat, I know that I am only feeding their temporary hunger. After this, tomorrow will be another struggle day. I just hope that  another Jesus in Blue Jeans will pass by and provide them with something that is more permanent. I have a long way to go when it comes to self-giving and serving, of delaying gratification and putting other's needs first. I don't have everything in life, but these kids are teaching me how to embrace what life is giving me. It's enough that Joemarie can remember my face, but forgotten my name, and just seeing them again is God's grace.

I texted my mom how I felt so good. And before I left, a beautiful rainbow appeared across the sky just beneath where we are sitting. 

I just had an appointment with God. 

I just had a date on the street.