..the hallway's unsaid story...

There are days when upon waking up, you are asking yourself what will this day brings. It's hard to move a single muscle although they were used to do a lot of vigorous job. In fact, it seemed that they were already programmed to move routinely as they were crafted. Move out of bed, take a bath, eat, goes to work, frown a little, get disappointed, yell (if you can afford), goes back home and do the cycle all over again. Today is one of those days.

I slept with such a big question mark in my mind. It is not really advisable to do some reading before going to bed since it can alter your sleep. But because I am a non-conformist type of person, I paid the price of being unconventional. I went to work, having doubted sometimes why I am in this dubious renumeration type of job especially when the patients are so hard to deal with. I just have to grip the truth and cling to my faith that I was made for this. On the hindsight, I am convinced furthermore whenever I am hearing my patients uttering "thank you". It's a cliche but when someone appreciates your subtle efforts, you are fueled up not to step on the "brake" and just continue the drive with a deeper sense of purpose.

I was able to see the empty hallway before I left home. It's now at the brink of having its tranquility, waiting for the morning it will become a den for doctor's rounds, the nurses' steps that commensurate to a normal run, the patient's path towards healing, the family's unsaid hope of seeing their love ones out of that building, the dawning fear of losing and of dying. The realization that when you are at the end of the journey, it's where the real journey starts. because you come to appreciate what matters in life.

The hallway's now half-empty. But if only  it is capable of telling and re-telling the myths and facts of life it has long been absorbing everyday, I guess it will be another best-seller finds in the book store. I left unloaded. I closed my eyes while journeying back home. I am vindicated. Thank God I am a nurse!

..on defying routines..

Photo Credit to Naive Photography

After a good and meaningful chat with my confidante, I sat again in one of my comforting buddies-the couch. I admit I have been lately naive with my routines- haven't been updating my Gratitude Journal for days, haven't been complying with prayer times, and often leave some of my tasks undone. In short, I'm procrastinating. Instead, I've been into a lot of reading, a lot of going out with friends, and a lot of time spending with Facebook.  There are just many distortions of my routines, and somehow I'm loving it. I was able to leaf some of the pages of one of my favorite books entitled Veronika Decides to Die. Oh well, the answers just came in rushing like they were printed capslock in bold letters waving in gold banner carrying this striking realization: Everything is just the same probably because that's the way you wanted it. Self-assessment followed as I lay down on my bed. Why should I be worried of my routines when I have each day to explore new things differently without totally abandoning what I used to love doing? And so I feel vindicated of my journal laying unscratched with inks from my pen.

Today, I resolved to spent the day calling my love ones..my mom who's very excited for my coming back..my auntie whom I disturbed today while she was attending mass. I shared moments of blatant confessions with a good friend and ended up learning of the "desires and wants". I was forced to recall my lessons in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and the principles I learned from Psychology. My idle times were turned to be a cushion for someone seeking for an enlightenment and I do hope my crazy concepts were well-tolerated,lol Thank you for the happy hormones circulating in my system who empowered my cortisol  level. It feels good to defy routines and go on in a day doing things as PRN in nursing term or "as necessary" in vernacular words.

Before going to bed tonight, the forming inner battle of storm within me was pacified by lines from Job 7: 1-4, 6-7..let me share this to you: 

"Is not man’s life on earth a drudgery? Are not his days those of a hireling? He is a slave who longs for the shade, a hireling who waits for his wages. So I have been assigned months of misery, and troubled nights have been told off for me. If in bed I say, “When shall I arise?” then the night drags on; I am filled with restlessness until the dawn. My days are swifter than a weaver’s shuttle; they come to an end without hope. Remember that my life is like the wind; I shall not see happiness again."

Choke life before life chokes you! God always provide means to blessed you. Sometimes, it comes around when you try to be different and allowing some disturbances in your routines. Allow distortions. See God between those haze.

And oh, it's wee hours. I better be on bed. Goodnight!